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View 0 posts and 131 comments by ChippyChalmers on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

My wife of 3 years (together 6 like you) left when our 2nd child was 3.5 months old. My advice - give her the space. Stop trying to address her concerns. Stop trying to prove anything. Hit the gym for you. Therapy for you. Let her feel your absence and what she'll lose. If she still stays gone, she would've anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/26 02:38 AM
4

She texted me from her parents house "night darling we love you too xo" and the next day over the phone told me I'm emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, gaslighting, controlling AND manipulative. I'm sure she would've thrown im narcissistic too but she ran out of breath. Why do they do this?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/26 02:34 AM
1

Ok 2 years isn't terrible. Still silly. It's just disappointing to find out this is who the mother of our children is. I still grieve what could have been... but then I remind myself I never got a single conversation that there was anything wrong in our relationship. Two young kids, nonforewarning, email discard, blamed entirely, drops a 5 year resentment list on me, calls child protective services for a 3 week old verbal argument, rejects counseling, deleted photos, unfriended. Just complete sc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/26 12:27 AM
1

We can't file for divorce until a year has passed and we're still working on the separation agreement. Takes so long it's ridiculous. She wants my premarital assets, dragging her feet on custody, and mortgage stuff. I resent her so much. Alimony? Marriage is so stupid man. How long do you have to pay a grown adult?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 11:18 PM
5

You seem to be in a better spot. 35 years is no joke. What's changed in your perspective from the few days after she left, until now? Why wouldn't you change anything? I'm 9.5 months post separation and still miss my family unit. But not sure I miss her specifically.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 01:16 PM
3

All of these stories make me believe I'm not the controlling, gaslighting, manipulative, emotionally abusive monster she claimed I was and used to justify calling CPS on me over a 3-week-old verbal argument and then blaming me for everything. MAYBE she had a little part to play (just maybe)
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 01:12 PM
6

Same here man. You're not alone. I think we need to be single for awhile, heal up, and then only once we're fully happy, bring a new woman into our life, fully knowing they could leave at any time (through death or breaking up). Everything is dust in the wind buddy, have to enjoy today. Easier said than done
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 01:10 PM
1

:)
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 12:08 PM
6

You inspire me
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:59 AM
6

We're crossing our fingers it works out while she's crossing her fingers behind her back when saying "I do"
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:58 AM
7

How do we win? FWB and hobbies?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:57 AM
8

Jeeeesus. 22 years just like that. Nobody is safe. I may just live the bachelor life from now on
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:55 AM
3

Not sure who that psycho is and don't plan to look it up. That's terrible
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:49 AM
7

May as well sling dick until we're in the grave... just don't catch feelings or STIs
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:48 AM
2

Sorry to break it to you but your ex husband was a woman
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:46 AM
7

10 years later that dudes living large with his 9th wife
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:43 AM
4

Yeah, I think a core belief that's holding me back is that having a woman in my life will save me from something. Loneliness? Dying alone? As if a vagina with legs could complete my soul but alas it feels true. Working on it...
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:42 AM
9

"You go girl! Destroy that family! You're so brave having an affair!"
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:40 AM
13

Bud you are NOT alone. It is unbelievable. Never knew we even had problems and she sends a "night darling we love you xo" text from her parents. Email discard next morning. Bye bye marriage and family unit. Hello Child Protective Services called on me. Blamed entirely. Terrible labels. 5 year resentment list. Deleted photos. Unfriended. Rejects counseling. ZERO grief or regret in 9.5 months now. Nevermind our 2 kids under 3. WTF
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 02:35 AM
4

Excellent reply.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:45 PM
3

Sorry man. I can imagine how helpless you feel getting this news over the phone. You're not alone. I got it via email. It seems standard that people will assume she's cheating but I wouldn't entertain that thought especially with no evidence. She could very well be telling the truth. The 7 year itch is real. You'll likely never get a satisfying answer, and in time, I don't think you'll need it. You're about to embark on military grade emotionally healing. I know you can do it - for yourself, for…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:14 PM
3

These are comments that give me hope. I'm 9.5 months out from separation and still grieving the loss of my family unit, a daily companion, and my kids (50/50). It gets better? Please elaborate how you see the world now, and how it feels. I need to embody it
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 08:24 PM
1

You've given me hope for a better future. Thank you sir! Live it up
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 06:57 PM
1

Thanks for the encouragement. Last question - I feel like I'm old at 36 and that women will see my sweet young girls as baggage. It's giving me a scarcity mindset and I'm not sure how to shake it. Maybe just focus on what you said, and date when ready?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 06:22 PM
1

Appreciate the reply. I'm 36 and my daughters are only 1 and 3 so I'm in the thick of it 50/50. Definitely putting my all into my time with them. It's the off time that I'm hoping will stop feeling like a void eventually. Hobbies and women may do the trick.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 06:12 PM
1

LOL. Win! May I ask, how do you perceive the lost time with your kids? I assume you do 50/50? I'm struggling with the loss of the family unit - the ideal you see on TV. But perhaps having a girlfriend and your kids half the week scratches that itch nicely?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 06:02 PM
1

That's a lot man. Sorry you went through that. How long since your separation/ I'm only 9.5 months out and still grieve the family unit often. Are you feeling better?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 01:22 PM
3

500K... oof. How? Legal fees? Or if your assets were worth 1M, half was always yours, so how'd you pay 500k? Did you enter the marriage with a ton of money?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 01:01 PM
6

They're all about their emotional safety, their feelings, their needs. If they're happier leaving, then they rationalize that's what's best for the family unit. That's what my mother told me at least. Obviously it's a generalization. My parents have been together 50 years and have been through a lot. I didn't get a single conversation from my ex - just an email discard. Times have changed
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 12:47 PM
1

I have my kids every Friday and Saturday night so I haven't done much partying for 9 months. You can go on dates mid week too can't you? That's. Y plan ay least until my schedule changes
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 10:03 AM
2

Same here. She'd do this thing where she'd lay across me and I could barely feel it. She was heavy and sometimes I just wanted it to end so I could go work on my hobbies. Not a great sign
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:56 AM
0

Makes sense. How do you handle being away from them for 5 days? I do 4 max and after a day I miss them so much
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:49 AM
3

Now some new guy is gonna get incredibly below average head, have his pelvis crushed as she bounces on him, and become a dead fish in due time. Poor bastard
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:48 AM
1

If she died you'd get full custody. You'd prefer 50/50? I'm grieving 9 months later and miss my kids half the week so am curious how you see 5050. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:30 AM
5

Yep. My ex's parents were kind and respectful to me for 6 years and the moment that she left, they turned on me, never replied to my messages, said that they never really liked me, always thought I was fake, wanted nothing to do with me, called me mentally abusive while I was holding my baby, and have never apologized or even acknowledged it. They just act now like it's never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:21 AM
2

About the in-laws, it's good they were nice to you. I'm not sure if I should be happy that my ex's inlaws were incredibly cold and hostile to me, after 6 years of acting good to me. Suddenly they "never really Iiked me" and wanted nothing to do with me. Gave me some difficult things to work through in therapy. But I don't miss them! Most of my friends are married too. We're mid 30s though so you never know who will be divorced in 15 years. Or which of them are secretly miserable. I certainly wou…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:14 AM
1

Yeah true. How long since separation? I'm like 9.5 months out and feel like I'm backsliding a bit. Miss my family unit. This empty house half the week is tough. How did you move through those feelings?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 09:08 AM
2

Two separate things: I'm saying perhaps it'd be nice to have a date lined up each week with 1 or 2 different women. Also, out of the past 12 years, I've spent 6 living with my ex-gf, and 6 living with my ex-wife. I just meant both relationships devolved into roommate status.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 08:52 PM
1

Thanks. I'm the oldest I've ever been, so I feel old and "behind". 95% of my friends are married with kids and I'm going through a divorce. But who knows what's going on behind the scenes with them. I'm disappointed that I'm still grieving but I can't rush healing
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 08:50 PM
1

Yeah week 4 is super early in the process. I appreciate the bit of strength and encouragement you sent my way. I lean heavily on others, as I need it. Please feel free to DM me anytime. I have some good days, but other days, you just have to feel the pain and keep moving.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 08:39 PM
0

Thank you for the detailed reply. I've gone down the bPD rabbit hole for sure. She definitely shows signs of "splitting". I'm quite convinced she's dismissive avoidant and discarded me but like you say, we can't diagnose her, and frankly, it doesn't matter much besides perhaps alleviating some of the guilt she's saddled me with. I'll save your post and will try to remember to come back when I'm through the fog. I definitely felt she was building resentment toward me and it was a subtle stressor …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 08:38 PM
2

Thanks buddy. My finances are solid. Buying my ex out. Have good friends, family, etc. Just sick with grief 9 months on. Bi-weekly therapy, 2 mens groups, Rachael Sloan's divorce recovery program etc. I thought she was "the one". Gave me vows, 2 kids, bought this home together... then just discards me over an email and goes cold. I'm shellshocked still. Not sure if another woman has happiness for me. Not sure where it is inside myself either
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:52 PM
1

does that exist? I'm so deep in grief right now. just had a breakdown at home... miss my family so much man. been 9 months. I'm in denial thinking another woman will solve a problem, when it was a woman leaving that caused me so much grief
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:48 PM
1

That would mean a lot. I appreciate your time
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:47 PM
2

That gave me a chuckle. I'm 9 months post separation and feel a heavy grief in my chest still. I'm not sure if a hottie bouncing on me would cure that. It makes me sad how my ex has potentially ruined my belief about true love, loyalty, and long-term happiness. I might never find "my person", and just have FWB forever? They're all the same after all, as you say. I'm so confused and hurt... jesus
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:28 PM
2

I really want to reach this stage: 50/50 with my kids, a couple nights free for myself, and a couple nights with a new woman (or 2). I don't know if that's sustainable for long-term happiness though. I've cohabited with 2 women over the past 12 years and both times it devolved into roommate status eventually. I'm so stuck in grief and confusion I don't know what I want
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:25 PM
4

That's friggin awesome. Super happy for you I'm 9+ months out from separation, 36, 2 very young kids... and feel like I'm not ready to date. Feel like I'll just cry or something, but maybe if the girl is hot and into me, and gets the blood flowing, it'll push me into indifference with my ex? The loss of the family unit seems like such a wound, I'm hesitant to move too quickly
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:22 PM
1

That's fantastic. I'd love to get to where you are. I find the days when my kids are gone to be quite lonely. But maybe I just need more time and to pick up a few more hobbies. But I'm also wondering if a woman in my life, even if it's a couple nights per week, will help tremendously. I'm wondering what you are so hesitant about moving in with somebody. I've found that the dynamic slowly devolves into roommate status and the romance dries up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 02:20 PM
1

You seem to be in such a better mindset and I just want to get there. I'm really happy for you, man. You deserve it. You said you'd do it all over again. Is it because you're in a better place now and you're happy? Have you met somebody new, I feel like I'll never be able to trust again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 02:07 PM
1

I'm really happy for you and that makes sense that as our our experiences grow, the memories of the past will shrink within it. I'm really dealing with a lot of regret at this stage because my ex wasn't necessarily unstable, but I feel like she was avoidant of deep communication. I didn't even know we had deep issues. We had one sleep-deprived argument when our second child was only 3 months old because we were both ridden with insomnia. And I flipped her off and I told her to shut the fuck up, …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 02:04 PM
2

Man, thank you so much for sharing all that. I'm incredibly impressed by your resilience, that it's only been a year, and very encouraged by your story. If you have a minute, do you mind giving me your perspective on my situation? I'm 9 months out from separation, and I'm 36 with two young kids. They're 1 and 3 years old. And we were in the trenches of our toddler sleep progressing, and our baby was only 3 and 1/2 months old. So, obviously, sleep was a big issue at this time. And we had an argum…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:40 PM
2

What does life expands mean? I join a jiu jitsu gym. I workout 3x a week. Walk ~hour a day, play pool with friends biweekly, therapy biweekly, daughters 50/50. Been 9.5 months since she left and I still wake up with grief, regret and loneliness. Granted I'm getting 8 hours most nights but this is taking longer than I had hoped
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 10:15 AM
1

Buddy... I want to be where you are! I miss my kids terribly and feel lonely when they're gone. You said you miss them terribly, that means you care to the full capacity. Feeling able to enjoy your designated "me time" does not negate your clear love for your kids. Are you supposed to feel like crap whenever they're gone? Be the best dad you can be when they're with you, and the best you, when they're not. If you can offer any tips or reframes to help me deal with enjoying my time away from them…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:58 AM
2

Yeah good point. I used AI to strip my 7 page story down to objective facts then fed it into 5 other models and they all conclude she's highly conflict avoidant so that helped remove some of the blame. I'll journal more though
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:39 AM
3

When you say it gets better, what do you mean? I grieve pretty hard still 9 months later. Mostly about the family unit.. and feeling like I'll never find my person
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:32 AM
2

I've been ruminating with AI for 9 months, so maybe it's not a great medium. I type out all my feelings and then it validates me or gives me some feedback to reflect. But then there's always a textbox waiting for me to type more... so endless loop. My ex acted normally right up until she sent me her abandonment email then completely rewrote history and blamed me entirely so I don't have a coherent story, thus the rumination. I have a journal that I should write in more. I'll try to do some right…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:58 AM
2

Thank you. I've been in bi-weekly therapy for like 6 months now (over the phone), and probably 20 sessions in person before that, including EMDR for 7 of them. The pain is less than it used to be (I'm now sleeping in my house instead of my parents when my kids are gone), and I sleep 8 hours a night. But I ruminate like crazy and grieve what could've been. Just want to detach.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:50 AM
7

Hey buddy, you're not alone in your struggle. I respect your courage to move forward. A very empathetic, knowledgeable YouTube channel is Rachael Sloan - a divorce coach for men. Her free content is all about nervous system regulation. Your deep breaths are a start, but there's lots we can do to give our nervous system a feeling of safety. DM anytime if you want to chat. You've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:49 AM
3

Has it helped you? How long since your separation? I'm 9 months out (36, 2 very young kids) and still grieve and feel lonely when my kids aren't here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:35 AM
3

Thanks for that perspective. Yeah, I don't blame you for not being ready to date. This whole process just completely shatters your sense of trust. I don't really know how to even attach to somebody new at this point. Everything is still directed to my past life. I'm trying to rebuild an identity slowly. It just seems like I'll never get there because what was lost was so special. How can you ever replace the intact family?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 07:47 PM
1

I'm glad that you found some peace. How long has it been since separation and how do you feel generally these days? I'm still grieving pretty hard 9 months out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 07:38 PM
1

How long since you're separation and how do you feel generally these days? I'm 9+ months out and am disappointed by more progress. Sleep 8 hours a night but still ruminate hard and break down once a week or so
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 07:34 PM
1

That's a really solid response, especially the Rachel Sloan stuff. I'm actually in her course and am noticing some benefits. I mean, it's not a magic pill, but you learn to become curious about your emotions and figure out what they're trying to tell you and realize that emotions are just physical sensations in your body. So you start to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. I'm actually walking on hour number three right now in the woods and going to go to the gym tonight, just trying…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 07:24 PM
1

Aren't the first few sessions just creating your safe base? I didn't start processing with buzzers until session 3 I think
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 07:11 PM
1

Good on you for communicating it years ago. Shame on her for not taking it seriously. I mean that wholeheartedly. I didn't even know we had issues and she rejected counseling after she left and I just feel so resentful that I wasn't even given the opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 05:49 PM
7

Why would she need to take accountability when I'm 100% the manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive gaslighter? Her Highness is flawless after all
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 05:47 PM
5

Yeah. I didn't even know we had deep problems and then she sent me a email from her parents' house saying that she needs time apart. I asked if she wanted to try counseling and she said she didn't see the point. I guess two little girls aren't enough reason to have a conversation with a professional. Been nine months and she hasn't shown a lick of grief. Sometimes there's just nothing we can do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 05:45 PM
8

And in many ways harder than somebody dying, as I found that people lose their sympathies and patience more than if you had lost someone to death. Nobody's gonna tell you to just move on or get over it if your partner dies ... but if she abandons your ass, yeah "just go replace her"
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 05:43 PM
2

Yeah, stopped at around 5 months.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/26 02:27 PM
1

You sat on the princesses throne, peasant?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 07:11 PM
1

I'm 9 months out from separation and I have two very young kids, 1 and 3 years old. So, it's been a battle just getting more time with my youngest. And I'm almost to 50/50, but that's been incredibly frustrating with her basically gatekeeping my kid from me. On top of all her projections saying that I'm the problem and I was the one that caused our family to be destroyed, even though she's literally the one that never communicated and then ended it over an email and denied counseling and called …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 03:45 PM
1

I can relate strongly to what you're feeling. I have kids the exact same age and I'm 9 months out from separation. I don't think she's dating yet, but she's floated some dating boundary rules such as not introducing kids to new partners until we've been seeing them for 6 months, etc. So, I'm bracing for impact any day. But I'll tell you this, I'm definitely detaching from her day by day, but it's not a linear process, and what you have to do is feel the pain fully - do not suppress it, do not tr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 03:38 PM
13

Yep totally agree except I didn't get the nagging complaining stage I just got the silent avoidant denial of anything wrong stage and then completely discarded over email and then blamed for everything that she stayed silent about. Yay
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 11:27 AM
7

Hey you're the villain too? So odd because I'm 100% to blame in my story. Imagine my shock. She's a flawless deity that floats through the air and never farts and I'm just this terrible manipulative monster
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 11:24 AM
23

Oh, you'll be blamed. Prepare for it. My ex called child protective services on me for a 5 minute verbal argument a month earlier and I said please don't destroy our family and she said that she wasn't the one doing it. They closed the file in 45 minutes
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 11:22 AM
2

100%. He's deep in idealization and grief. When the fog lifts, everything you've said will hit hard.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 10:33 AM
5

Buddy, I could've written this, except the cheating part. Similar age, 2 kids, one "bad" argument and she's gone 3 weeks later. I felt like you did 9 months ago. Now I sleep through the night, can be in her presence for over an hour and don't feel anxiety or longing etc. The grief is still present but it's waning, and mostly for my kids. In time you'll realize things about her that you're not able to see right now due to idealization. She cheated to get back at you? That's NOT a good quality. It…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 10:31 AM
2

I only did 7 or 8 sessions and the first couple were building what they call a safe space, I believe. So, I only had about 5 sessions of actual processing using buzzers in each hand, but overall, I think it helped. It's kind of subtle. It's not like you're going to wake up one day and be like, "Oh my God, I'm healed." But I haven't done it in like two or three months and I'm definitely in a better place than where I was during those sessions. I don't know if it's directly attributable to that or…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 08:51 PM
1

Magnesium and melatonin helped for me. Maybe look into it. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 07:39 PM
1

How long were you guys together? Glad you're making headway
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 07:10 PM
5

And they seem so indifferent. So cold and done. The asymmetry between us and them adds insult to injury.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 07:09 PM
3

Hey man, I'm so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. It's no joke. It's life kicking you in the balls and saying "oh, you thought you'd just sail into the sunset? No. Here's some pain and reality". I was where you are at 4 months. Honestly thought my life was ruined. Couldn't sleep, had panic attacks, did EMDR therapy for PTSD symptoms. I'm now 9 months out and sleeping 8 hours a night. You'll get there. What's helped me is: therapy, daily walks in the woods, zero alcohol or drugs, don't i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 07:07 PM
3

She left me 9 months ago. For the first like 3 or 4 months I'd wake up around 3 or 4am and ruminate like crazy. Some really difficult mornings. Like bad bad. Didn't do any meds. Just magnesium and melatonin. Now I sleep 8 hours per night and barely dream of her. Not sure what changed beyond time. I also started Rachael Sloans divorce program which is all about nervous system regulation so that likely had helped
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 06:56 PM
1

I didn't mention a woman's age. You're entitled to a dictionary
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 06:03 PM
1

I said I'm discouraged and you tell me you have a dream job, love pilates, have gorgeous friends, and came from TikTok? Then strawman me about being pumped up when I said the exact opposite. If you're not a bot then I'm viscerally repulsed by your lack of character. Truly
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 08:54 PM
2

Yeah good points. I'm financially secure, own my own house, and am willing to have more children with the right person. I have a wholesome friend group who a quality woman would very much integrate well with. Not sure about the remarriage part - I really don't see the point of getting the state involved again, but that may change with a prenup. I think I'd also be happy with a steady girlfriend 1-2 nights per week which would be a nice complement to my 50/50 custody and giving me some "me time" …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 05:18 PM
10

I still grieve 9 months later, but mostly about the illusion of who I thought she was. She revealed herself to be completely avoidant and passive aggressive. Mistook silence for peace for years. Now it's actually becoming true
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 04:21 PM
2

Man this amps up my scarcity mindset so badly. I can't really fault your logic besides thinking that 2 good people can still split up, due to incompatibility. I don't think my ex is a bad person per se, but I do believe she's avoidant and a terrible communicator. I know a childless 38 year old woman who has been with a 55 year old guy with teenage kids for like 8 years now. Not saying it's the norm, but they seem really happy. My grieving brain tells me I'll be alone forever or will have to sett…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 02:52 PM
8

Your brain wired around her as your primary attachment figure to help you coregulate your nervous system. You're in withdrawal. It's not logical, it's neurochemical. In time she'll fade to indifference and your care will soften likely to friendship
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 01:20 PM
3

Well I'm discouraged. I'm 36 and 2 young kids. Are you saying all the quality women are gone? Feel like I'll be scraping bottom of the barrel from now on
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 11:11 AM
1

Yeah that's a solid chunk of time. Sounds like you're in a good spot now. Interesting how we adapt to something that felt so permanent and terrible in the beginning. How do you feel about the loss of the family unit, like when you see other families together?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 11:08 AM
6

That's what I struggle with 9 months out from separation. Trust. Putting my soul into a person just for them to be like "yeah... no" at any point. Makes me feel like I need to keep them at arm's length emotionally going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 12:35 AM
2

What else do they want? What's the bare minimum?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 12:33 AM
3

You inspire me
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 10:37 PM
6

Take your pick: Butterflies died, emotional safety collapsed, eyes on new guy, dismissive-avoidant, etc. Basically, her feelings changed and she chose to act on those vs. being faithful to her vows. Join the club! Sorry buddy. In time you might get clarity but right now closure may be quite illusive.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 08:54 PM
2

I like this: "You now have your kids, don't need to get married again and you have a shortcut to peace and to rebuild your life better than it ever was." I'm 9 months out from separation and my grieving brain tells me I need to get a life partner back but then I realize I already have my kids, and they are irreplaceable whereas she I'm beginning to believe not so much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 11:05 AM
2

Yep. My ex never brought up anything wrong between us and then sent me an email to end our marriage and suddenly I'm an emotionally and verbally abusive, manipulative gaslighter who deserves to have CPS because of a month-old verbal argument. How dare I not read the mind of her Highness? She's flawless after all. /rant
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 08:55 PM
1

I'd be interested to hear a few examples. If many of us feel you're being too sensitive then maybe it's not necessarily something these women are objectively doing "wrong", but more of a subjective interpretation on your end. Not saying you don't have cause for feeling that way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 08:01 PM
2

I'm confused what you mean. You're wondering if relocating would make it work? Isn't that the reason you'd be moving - to make it more feasible? You already said it wouldn't be difficult with planning.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 07:49 PM
2

I can see myself not getting married again - 9 months post separation right now. But no cohabiting seems harder. What about the loneliness? Or does it get better? Having kids some nights, yourself some nights, and a girlfriend some nights?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 03:40 PM
1

Good on you. How long were you together?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 01:26 AM
9

Either cheating or dismissive avoidant is my guess. Sounds like a discard. My marriage of 6 years was ended via email 9 months ago, 2 very young kids. Didn't even know we had problems. Blamed entirely, denied counseling, called a bunch of names, unfriended on socials and she deleted our photos. Grey rock her. Lawyer up. Walk in the woods and start your healing journey. DM me anytime
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/26 01:23 AM
2

Thanks for saying that. My kids are only 1 and 3 and take all my energy 50% of the week. I feel like I'll have to compartmentalize in order to date for awhile. Just frustrated at my progress 9 months post separation... still grieving and lonely. Need to heal up first
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 07:04 PM
1

9 months post separation. Can't file for divorce until 12months apart.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 05:15 PM
7

Man that is so reassuring. I'm 36 with 2 very young kids and I'm worried it'll be hard to find a new partner. Never had issues getting dates before kids. Seems like you made out ok. She didn't seem to mind? Any tips?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 03:02 PM
4

Do you miss having a life partner? I'm 36 with 2 very young kids and am slowly detaching from her but fear like I'll never get that sense of security and home back, even though much of it was an illusion. Been 9 months and I still feel lonely when the kids are gone
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 01:15 PM
1

Did your fiance care that you had kids, at all? I'm 36 and my daughters are 1 and 3 and I feel like they'll be seen as baggage for a long time (50/50 custody)
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 01:06 PM
2

Great advice. I'm intentionally delaying dating until it's exciting, instead of just a distraction from the pain. I'm 36 by they way, 2 very young kids, so I fear they'll be seen as baggage to most women. But if I have 50/50 that will give me time to date. Hoping for a better chapter ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 10:58 AM
1

Man, you're only 3 months into separation and feel this? I'm 9 months out and am still struggling with the loss of the family unit. Grieving her less, but the loss of the dream still hurts. Not sure how to process/reframe that. I want to get where you are, where I don't feel like I'm wasting this precious life if I don't have a sidekick in woman form to share it with. I think I'm a romantic/emotional person and just really love that intimacy. But maybe I just need to get laid - been a year!! Ugh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 01:58 AM
2

Absolutely, she wouldn't speak back to her "best friend", she felt like people's "little b*tch" at work, and never brought up anything to me. I believe she "fawned" (fight, flight, freeze, FAWN). Basically just appeasing until gone because she's conflict avoidant. Not like she'll ever admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 09:35 PM
10

I've read that walkaway wife is often preceded by her nagging for change for years and her giving up. My ex never raised any issues, acted normally and then completely discarded our marriage over email. Still grappling with the trauma 9 months later
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 04:12 PM
14

Super sorry to hear about the affairs, and her quickly "moving on" but she's obviously capable of masking how she feels so I wouldn't buy into any happiness she's portraying. To answer your question, yes, it happened to me: Married, bought a house, had kids, but she never once raised any issues between us over the years, denied when I said "I feel like I"m bothering you", denied when I said it was starting to feel like she just wanted kids, denied when I asked her to open up if there was anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 04:08 PM
1

These comments give me hope. I'm 9 months out from separation, 36, two very young kids. Feels like something is forever broken inside me, but you give me hope that I must persevere. I want to enjoy my solitude and not long for a companion all the time. Is that what living our best life will look like? I will inevitably date again because I enjoy women but that's an afterthought right now
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 11:36 PM
1

I'm 9 months post separation... 2 very young kids. What part is utopia? My grieving brain can't see it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 11:25 PM
1

Brilliant?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 11:04 PM
2

Thank you brother. I have 50/50 with the kids so half my week (life) free... sometimes I feel old (no offense, I'm the oldest I've ever been). It's just perspective. The grief clouds my judgement. Day by day I suppose
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 12:46 AM
1

Super happy for you. It's encouraging. I'm 36 and about 9 months post separation with 2 very young kids. I feel sometimes that I'll be seen as having baggage - or that if I meet someone new (with or without kids), that it'll never feel like a "real" family. I'm assuming that's mostly grief talking ... you seem happy
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/26 05:42 PM
1

How long out from separation are you? I'm about 7.5 months and am SLOWLY turning a corner. No shame in hurting buddy. Keep going
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 08:59 PM
1

How are you doing these days? I'm 7 months out.. struggling
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 12:03 PM
1

How are you doing these days?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:30 PM
1

I'm on the fence about joining her course ($1,500 USD). Do you recommend it? I'm 6 months post separation, 2 very young kids. Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:08 PM
2

How are you doing these days?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:05 PM
1

How are you doing these days?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:05 PM
1

You really made me feel better with the last bit. I'm only 6 months out from separation and worried I'll always dread being alone at the house when my kids aren't with me. Did time just do its thing for you? Do you just tell yourself your daughter will be back soon? I have 2 little girls so perhaps them having each other will make their transitions easier too. Coping here... thanks for anything
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 11:21 PM
1

That provides me some comfort. I'm 36 and just feel like with such young kids that women will see them as baggage. But, in time, perhaps that'll change. Or someone may want more kids - which I'm open to as well. Thanks again
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:22 PM
1

Thanks for the quick reply. Does your girlfriend mind that you have kids. Hesitant at all? I have a 9 month old and 3 year old :\
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:17 PM
1

How are you managing these days, on your alone nights? I'm about 6 months post separation and am trying to fortify my mind
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:07 PM
1

How are you doing these days? I dread going 5 days without seeing my kids. Looking for some reassurance. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:05 PM
1

How are you doing these days? Still feel good about it? I'm 6 months post separation; 2 very young kids (9mo and 3yo)
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:04 PM
1

How are you feeling? My spouse left 6 weeks ago with my 2 young daughters
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 01:44 PM
1

How are you doing? My spouse left 6 weeks ago with my 2 young daughters. Together 6 years. I feel so empty man
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 01:43 PM
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