Lookingbackexpat Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
4	Why is the manosphere so conservative? Because it is conservatives that are threatened by progress and want to keep marginalized people—including women—disempowered. If it makes you feel any better, the trad wife influencers are just as right wing, and are selling the same regressive values to women that the manosphere sells to men. Who benefits? Rich white men.	/r/ExRedPill	22/08/26 03:24 AM
11	Hi. Could you give me personal or scientific examples that debunk hypergamy? Recent large-scale demographic and historical studies, as well as global census analyses, challenge the universality of traditional female hypergamy (the strict requirement to "marry up" in status or wealth). Instead, data indicates that human mate choice is largely assortative (matching by similar traits) and heavily dependent on economic and cultural contexts rather than a fixed biological imperative. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5%2C%20and%20more), 6, 7] Historical and Demographic Evidence English Marriage R…	/r/ExRedPill	21/08/26 10:30 PM
1	Is the evolutionary psychology used by the "red pill" pseudoscience? Thanks for sharing! This is fun	/r/ExRedPill	21/08/26 09:34 PM
10	Opinion on Violence - thoughts? Never seen it. Would run if I did. Violence is always abuse. Glad you’re safe.	/r/ExRedPill	19/08/26 08:40 PM
8	Do people not know this? Unless you’re talking about VA therapists or some rare specialist, there are PLENTY of therapists available for anyone needing help. And I don’t think anyone would seriously go solely to get dates. lol Thsts ridiculous. I think OP is saying self-awareness and a willingness to seek help can be attractive traits.	/r/ExRedPill	19/08/26 04:42 PM
7	My new girlfriend has no idea I used to be red pill Your post starts, “My new gf has no idea” and then alludes to your “shameful” past. It’s not much of a leap to think you’re feeling guilty for not disclosing. Or that keeping this part of your past a secret might create barriers to trust and intimacy? Also, I would not judge if someone I cared about told me, “When I was younger and gullible, I got sucked into all this red pill stuff. I’m so glad I realized how toxic it is and got out in time to find you!” In fact, I think I’d admire their streng…	/r/ExRedPill	18/08/26 04:53 PM
4	My new girlfriend has no idea I used to be red pill Right. Show yourself some compassion. And talk about this with your gf when you are ready. Don’t wait too long, or she may feel betrayed that you’ve intentionally hidden such a big part of your past. We’ve all made mistakes. She’ll probably be more understanding than you expect.	/r/ExRedPill	18/08/26 02:20 PM
2	My new girlfriend has no idea I used to be red pill So how old were you when you first fell under the influence? Nineteen? Younger? Maybe you should cut that kid a break? He probably had his reasons for being attracted to the propaganda and then became brainwashed. It’s extremely prevalent and pernicious. You were targeted. Not that you shouldn’t feel accountable and try to make amends, maybe help others escape the manosphere, maybe apologize if you hurt people, but I hope you don’t spend your life hiding your deep dark secret or punishing yourse…	/r/ExRedPill	18/08/26 01:15 PM
11	The Red Pill "wall" logic completely backfires on their own advice Yes, but it’s also true that many men tend to overestimate their attractiveness while many women underestimate theirs.	/r/ExRedPill	17/08/26 10:14 PM
38	The Red Pill "wall" logic completely backfires on their own advice Yes, and also: men seem to “depreciate” on this shallow, appearance-only metric faster than women. I know the received wisdom is that men can retain their looks, become distinguished looking, etc. But irl I see so many attractive, fit middle aged women with fat, balding ogres convinced they’re god’s gift.	/r/ExRedPill	17/08/26 03:16 PM
5	How and where did you meet your partner? It almost always happens because one or more member suggests it repeatedly. First you make one friend. Then the two of you ask the group, “Anyone want to join us for a drink/coffee/meal?” Or you announce before the meeting, “Some of us are going out for a drink after, if anyone has the time.” It only feels organic if you’re not the won making the invitation. Also, a book discussion group or something where people talk might be more conducive to making friends.	/r/ExRedPill	10/08/26 08:12 PM
7	Hi, I’m the 18-year-old guy who has moved past the "red pill" mindset. I have a question that touches on red pill ideas: Is a man a protector and provider by nature? It’s not sad if you are a woman who has an enjoyable career and a partner who respects that and steps up in parenting.	/r/ExRedPill	10/08/26 05:13 PM
21	Hi, I’m the 18-year-old guy who has moved past the "red pill" mindset. I have a question that touches on red pill ideas: Is a man a protector and provider by nature? Protects his family how? From what? Most women bring home money. Most don’t have a choice if they want to eat and feed their children.	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 08:05 PM
9	Hi, I’m the 18-year-old guy who has moved past the "red pill" mindset. I have a question that touches on red pill ideas: Is a man a protector and provider by nature? Bored, burnt out, exhausted to the point that an office job away from home feels like a vacation. They also begin to feel like they’re losing their previous identities. And after that, their husbands find someone more “interesting,” usually someone at work who reminds them of their younger, more interesting version of their wife.	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 07:59 PM
4	How and where did you meet your partner? Also, I met another ex at work. He was in a different department and we talked a lot over several weeks before going out. And another at a bar, but it was a kind of party and we had mutual friends there. The issue with cold approaches is women don’t know if they can trust you or if you’re a psycho who will harm/kill or stalk them. So they’re often not able to get past their fears. I have never gone out with a total stranger, no references, except for those first coffee dates arranged on apps, an…	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 04:50 PM
3	How and where did you meet your partner? In a graduate seminar. We were both students. From what friends tell me, being approached at a gym while you’re just trying to get in a workout is right up there with most annoying, intrusive things, especially since sometimes the guy is persistent and they end up feeling like they have to change gyms to avoid the inevitable awkwardness. But maybe some gyms are more social than others.	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 04:37 PM
17	Hi, I’m the 18-year-old guy who has moved past the "red pill" mindset. I have a question that touches on red pill ideas: Is a man a protector and provider by nature? SAHW/Ms frequently become bored/depressed because of lack of adult stimulation and growth opportunities. Most of them are afraid to admit this.	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 01:32 PM
4	Thank you guys! Yes, the RP attitudes and assumptions are pervasive and insidious. Glad to see people seeing through it!	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 02:13 AM
2	The Red Pill told me that competence would automatically lead to dating success. It didn't I think when people say “just be yourself” or “be authentic” they are rejecting the tendency to strategize and “game” dating. Being yourself means openly sharing your true preferences, interests and views, making sure to honestly but politely respond to their preferences, interests and views, approaching each date with curiosity and respect, not with a score-keeping mentality or with specific aims and goals before you even know the person. Also, you’d be surprised at how many women come home fro…	/r/ExRedPill	09/08/26 02:03 AM
3	I can’t tell if my belief that “warmth/showing interest = unattractive” is true or just something red pill content installed in me — and now I second-guess every warm thing I say Be patient with yourself. You’ve recognized a feeling that isn’t productive. When the feeling comes up, gently set it aside and be the kind of person you want to become. Your experiences can eventually overwrite toxic beliefs if you stay aware. But counseling would probably speed the process.	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 11:47 AM
6	I can’t tell if my belief that “warmth/showing interest = unattractive” is true or just something red pill content installed in me — and now I second-guess every warm thing I say How old are you? You sound like you might be young, in which case you have plenty of time to work on this and maybe practice being a good friend to men and women.	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 10:35 AM
10	I can’t tell if my belief that “warmth/showing interest = unattractive” is true or just something red pill content installed in me — and now I second-guess every warm thing I say Desperation, neediness and dependence can be unattractive. Not genuine warmth and appreciation. But there are certain people who are “nice” only so long as they think it will get them something. Transactional warmth feels creepy. Try being kind. Think of kindness as a muscle you need to exercise regularly.	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 10:11 AM
3	Sharing My Thoughts on Modern Masculinity Not sure if labeling certain traits or characteristics “masculine” and “feminine” is worth the baggage then. Why not use non-gendered terms like external/internal or achievement-oriented, process-oriented, nurturing, etc?	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 10:05 AM
17	I can’t tell if my belief that “warmth/showing interest = unattractive” is true or just something red pill content installed in me — and now I second-guess every warm thing I say My rule of thumb is if you aren’t treating someone like a friend, with respect and affection and trust of a good friend, you have no business wanting more than friendship from them. Maybe you have an avoidant attachment style because of RP or maybe it’s because of a withholding, cold parent/family. In any case, this requires therapy. Secure, confident people will not want a relationship with you until you change.	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 09:04 AM
5	Sharing My Thoughts on Modern Masculinity Do you think men are more obsessed with being “masculine” or “manly” than they need to be? I don’t remember ever spending much time trying to define or become “feminine” or “womanly.” How to be an adult, a good person, a good parent, a good teacher, a good writer, yes. But not a “real woman” that’s just such an alien preoccupation. It seems like a lot of pressure, to be constantly measuring yourself against gender stereotypes instead of just becoming the best human being you can be.	/r/ExRedPill	05/08/26 05:11 AM
0	What should I do? I think the moderator deleted my last reply so just to repeat: the foundation of feminism is empathy and sisterhood.	/r/ExRedPill	04/08/26 01:08 AM
2	Redpill is negative Sorry, I think most modern women were raised to believe they should provide for themselves. The idea that men should “provide” is extremely outdated. As is the notion of women as gold diggers. I’m not saying these ideas aren’t still out there, but in developed countries, they don’t represent majority views. Hence women no longer wanting to abandon their hard-earned careers for 24/7 housekeeping.	/r/ExRedPill	04/08/26 12:45 AM
0	What should I do? So you “lowkey love” seeing young women abused and traumatized because you think it “inoculates” them to the patriarchy. First of all, young women will not automatically discover feminism if they are abused by a man. Secondly, there are a lot of kinder, gentler ways to raise consciousness than convincing women that all men are toxic. Third, you don’t have to hate or fear all men to understand the oppressive nature of patriarchy. Not sure how serious your post was, but I find this glee at the suf…	/r/ExRedPill	04/08/26 12:10 AM
1	The Red Pill told me that competence would automatically lead to dating success. It didn't Also, data shows people tend to form relationships with others at the same level of attractiveness. If a man is a 3 on a good day, expecting to date a 10 might be a problem.	/r/ExRedPill	03/08/26 01:00 AM
3	Redpill is negative Also, in general, having a job gets you out into the world where you learn skills and meet people, allows you to budget for travel and hobbies, and so tends to make you a more interesting and attractive person.	/r/ExRedPill	03/08/26 12:11 AM
3	Redpill is negative Yes, I’ve heard so many references to “gold diggers” but IRL all the women I meet are looking for kind, emotionally intelligent partners, not the mythical billionaires who will make the adulting stop. Only very immature women believe a man can be the answer to all of life’s challenges. Smart women are busy figuring out how to do the things they love and take care of themselves.	/r/ExRedPill	02/08/26 07:40 AM
3	The Red Pill told me that competence would automatically lead to dating success. It didn't Look around the real world at all the married couples. Plenty are not “baseline” attractive but they’ve managed to find love. Once you get off the apps, the 2D stuff becomes much less important.	/r/ExRedPill	28/07/26 01:44 PM
1	How to refute the redpill argument that adult men are having less sex? Over half the countries in the world now have birth rates below replacement. This is not about sex. It is about changing, intensely competitive economies and level of investment in education.	/r/ExRedPill	28/07/26 12:45 PM