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ivereadabookor2 Archive

View 0 posts and 22 comments by ivereadabookor2 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

There’s definitely an expiration date on people wanting to hear the details of your failed marriage. I think I’m hitting that point which is nice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 02:48 AM
1

I just ignore it, stick with my therapy and work on my own issues. my ex has every right to talk about things i did that hurt her and ended our marriage. Initially it upset me but if I was in my wife’s position I would need to vent to people as well. As long as she hasn’t lied to anyone or exaggerated things I don’t need to defend myself. What can I defend? I fucked up. I can just try to own my mistakes and live a better life for myself. I have no control how other people see me. Some people hav…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 02:42 AM
1

The hurt is real but keep in mind your ex is just one woman. But she’s not every woman. If you do the work you probably be jn a better place to fjnd the right person and create boundaries for yourself where you won’t let yourself get taken advantage of.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:02 AM
1

It seems we are better off with partners who know what is going on with us and there are clear boundaries (on both ends). Once those boundaries are crossed it’s harder to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:31 AM
2

ADHD is also a shitty disorder to have for relationships. Lot of times we fall for people who do take advantage of us or let themselves be taken advantage of. We could either go into people pleasing mode, hyper focused self absorbed mode, irritable mode, learned incompetence mode etc and it almost always just become a person that is completely unattractive to our partner (fairly or not). Like you either become a kid they have to care or a doormat that does whatever they want, either way they los…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 01:11 AM
2

Hey at least you tried and be proud of that and I’m sure the next person you are with will appreciate that work you have done on yourself. Whatever her reasons were your wife fell out of love with you. You don’t have control over that. All you can do is take care of you. You are better off moving on then living with someone who resents you justifiably or not.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:52 AM
3

I feel for you, I have ADHD as well and know lots a guys with go through this same pattern. Unfortunately when we decide to do the work sometimes the damage is already done (and it’s not always completely our fault especially if we were undiagnosed for years). At a certain point your spouse thinks she’s your mom, maid, caretaker, or whatever and it’s hard for her to get back to place where she is attracted to you again. You can only do the work for yourself, accept her choices and get yourself i…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:38 AM
3

I’m separated (over a year, we sign papers next year) but more in the camp that “this marriage wasn’t working for either of us” so I have no hope or desire to get back together. I think I took a lot for granted when I was married and engaged in some selfish destructive behavior and my partner tried her best so I can’t blame her wanting to call it. I’m not even actively dating right now because I have so much shit to do to get be a decent boyfriend. So I think I believe that commitment is possibl…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:26 AM
7

Maybe wasn’t an option so I picked I just want to see the votes. I would be willing to get married again but I would want to be in the mindset that marriage is not the endgame but it’s a relationship that I want to continue to maintain and it gives me and my partner enough room to be our own people. My first and only marriage I didn’t have that mindset and it failed. So yeah if I’m good with myself and I found the right person then I would be open to getting married again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:43 PM
1

With kids the agreement I have with my ex is we don’t introduce a new person to them until after the divorce and it’s been serious for at least six months and we have to give each other the heads up. So I feel mentally prepared for that, though once in a while I hear “Mom looked really pretty when she went out last night.”
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 01:27 AM
2

Same. My best friend of mine said to me “You now have the freedom to do all the things your wife wouldn’t let you do. So shut the fuck up and do that.”
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 01:19 AM
2

Go when you’re ready man. Just try not avoid doing it because you think you need to suffer in loneliness. You are allowed to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:55 PM
1

I’m not divorced yet (separated for a year) and have gone on sites mostly to see who is out there. Nothing you can do about it. The marriage is over people are allowed to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:34 PM
4

Same. We were slowly growing apart those last two years before and then Covid happened, lost my job, relapsed and was near suicidal a year later. Being in a lockdown just brought our incompatibility and resentments towards each other to the surface.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 02:44 PM
0

I mean there’s probably trouble in their relationship, but I think she actually is trying to get his attention. Putting herself together, letting him know other men find her attractive and wanting him to stay home with her is her way of dropping hints that she needs more intimate time with him. And it sounds like he’s not putting any effort into their relationship. Maybe she’s cheating but I think she’s saying she wants him to pursue her more and make more of an effort. Basically he’s taking the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 11:39 PM
1

I’m in the same boat. Those first few months on my own were hard. I love my time with my kid but the off days are depressing and lonely. I’ve been try to reconnect with friends, leave the house and do something, exercise, and focus on my growth work via therapy and mens groups. Eventually I’ll dating again but I’m not there yet. So my goal is just to keep busy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 07:36 PM
2

It’s probably fine if she doesn’t want a LTR.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:17 PM
2

I wAs in the same situation and found unhealthy ways to cope. If your marriage is not working got to counseling or call it. Because white knuckling a relationship that isn’t working has dangerous consequences for you and your family.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:40 PM
1

Just accept it will probably happen and before/after divorce the most important relationship in your life is the one with your kid. It’s important to realize your wife and you are modeling what a relationship looks like to your daughter. Is it better for you and your wife sticking out and resenting each other for most of your daughters life or is it better for you two call it, learn to be effective coparents and find potentially healthier relationships? I’m confident my wife will find somebody p…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:36 PM
1

I do but when we start talking (we have to since we co parent) and I realize it’s not worth the effort.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:49 PM
1

My ex has a friend like that who emotionally abused her husband, cheated on him and took everything in the divorce. That said I done my share of shit and can’t write off my marriage ending because of her toxic friend. I feel like my ex would have pushed for divorce with or without her friends “advice.”
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 05:30 AM
1

Not painless but we went through mediation okay and we have a reasonable custody and child support agreement. No alimony either way (I made less then her when we split and didn’t pursue it). We didn’t have too many assets to split, We communicate and argue less then we used to and committed to coparenting. There’s still some hurt and resentment between us but we both knew the marriage wasn’t working.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 05:10 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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