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View 0 posts and 102 comments by threeLetterMeyhem on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

- Did you ever successfully reconcile after divorce? Nope. We tried reconciling after separating, but after a month or two of couples counseling it all fell apart again. - How did you know when it was time to stop hoping and move on? So... we were married for a year and hit some rough patches, with me becoming "distant" or "not present" and not initiating sex with her as often as she was expecting. I struggle with some pretty severe anxiety issues, and rather than work through it with me she had…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 09:00 PM
1

I agree that it hasn't been much time, especially compared to the scope of a marriage that was intended to last the rest of your lives. I'm sorry you're going through this. A bunch of us (including me) have been there, too, so you're not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 08:32 PM
1

It sounds like you've already gone a few rounds on those prevantative steps and for some reason she's ready to divorce this time without giving it another chance to get better. And that sucks, I'm so sorry. Been through it myself. There's no describing how hard it is when you want to fix your problems to save the marriage but she's already done with it. What I would do: Talk to her about filing sooner rather than later. Letting this linger will just drive you insane and if she's ready to move on…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/26 07:37 PM
2

Is it covered or subsidized by your employer or insurance? In my case, not really? It would be, but I have a massive deductible and my meds basically end up out of pocket for the whole year so effectively nope. It's reasonably cheap, though. It's an old med.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 07:27 PM
2

Have you talked to him about it? Could be a load of different things.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 03:07 PM
1

Be real careful with Christian advisors. I know religion and faith helps a lot of people, but the infinite forgiveness thing is very often conflated with letting yourself be abused. Therapy helps a lot. A whole lot. I'd probably be a goner without it. I've been on and off anxiety meds for like 25 years. Lexapro helped, but it also made me a bit hyperactive and promiscuous (worked wonders for my confidence but I also ended up with some meaningless relationships that I didn't want... Nothing again…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/26 01:12 AM
3

How did y'all get through the guilt and push through? Professional help. Seek therapy (in my opinion, from a NON christian psychologist). Short version of my story: Our first year of marriage was bumpy because I have anxiety issues and wasn't dealing with them properly. My ex-wife responded by cheating, telling me it was my fault she cheated, getting pregnant by the other guy, miscarrying due to a car crash (I am 100% sure she was driving drunk, but the cops didn't test her so whatever), getting…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 11:37 PM
1

I added some more context above, if you're interested. Oof, I think his response was bizarrely out of line. Obviously it was way over the top and hurtful, but it's also just weird. My guess is that he's likely projecting way his ex held stuff over his head onto you, but over something that seems pretty minor and earnest. Like you were probably thinking "I know it seems like my dad's a dick, but he's not all bad. Here's something cool he did in secret" and in your friend's mind it was "oh great, …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 08:49 PM
1

At what point does it become his responsibility to deal with his trauma and his triggers without hurting me? I have feelings, too. It depends, but... most of the time? So like, I've been remarried for a while. If my wife does something my ex-wife used to do that triggers me, it might be something I need to work on or it might be something she needs to work on. It really just depends on what it is. Example that has come up: My ex-wife and I used to split dinner responsibilities. She loved to cook…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 07:51 PM
1

Hard to tell what happened since you're being vague about what he said or why it even came up, so I can't really give retrospective advice for what happened. I'll say, though, that I have some pretty severe trigger points. The worst one for me is infidelity. I've ended some of my closest friendships, including my longest-ever friendship with the best friend I'd had literally since kindergarten, over them cheating on their spouse. As you continue to have relationships with people, especially if y…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 06:56 PM
0

Being in the same house for 24 years doesn’t mean there was a good marriage for 24 years. Agreed, but it also doesn't mean she doesn't love him and is just trying to get him to stay out of fear. OP states that emotional intimacy has been faded for long time and there was little to no physical intimacy for at least seven years. OP may also be seeing things through colored lenses to justify the things he's done himself. Even taking it at face value and assuming his side of the story is 100% the on…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 02:23 PM
-1

I think that's an incredibly pessimistic take on her motivations after 24 years of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:47 PM
2

If your wife wasn't intimate for 7 years why wouldn't you talk to her about it and work through it and, failling that, either end the marriage or ask to open it? Having a secret affair isn't the answer. That's something shitty people do. Now OP is the kind of guy that's keeping his wife around while he's having a romantic relationship with someone else. He's basically using his wife for some reason while he's out fucking around and falling in love with someone else. That's horrible :/
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 01:08 PM
3

She said she understood. She said she drove me to it. Are you going to just let her continue believing this lie, that she drove you to it? She may have driven you towards hurt feeling and a failing marriage, but the choice to cheat and start fucking someone else was your decision. Not only was it sex, but you started having an actual relationship with someone else before ending things with your wife. And you knew it was wrong because you kept it secret. The good decision is to fix or end the mar…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:59 PM
2

The amount of men in here not saying “you cheated you piece of shit” is disappointing. I wonder if that'll pick up today. I try to keep my reddit-ing to a minimum on weekends, and I bet others do, too. Just my opinion, but OP is a massive asshole for the affair, the continued affair, and letting his STBX think it's her fault for driving him to it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/26 12:50 PM
1

I mean we're not gonna be going through court or anything There's a kid involved. You absolutely need to go through as much court stuff as possible to clearly define the custody agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/26 01:38 PM
4

Just my opinion, but if both spouses don't actually, truly want to reconcile and be married and work towards a happy, loving relationship... then it's time to divorce. One of the worst things you can do for your kids is live a loveless marriage, because that will teach them how to act when they grow up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 09:00 PM
2

What's wrong with a serious relationship with someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 12:34 PM
6

Yeah I didn't wanna get divorced either. I didn't have a choice, cuz it's what she wanted. It sucks and I'm sorry he left you and your marriage ended. But it ended and sadly you don't have the right to understand what's going on with him anymore :(
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/26 01:00 AM
5

Our final marriage counselor kicked me out of the session for insisting she change her phone number after her psycho ex affair partner started calling her all hours of the day and night from random numbers cuz he wanted to harass her and brag about getting a new girlfriend already. The counselor literally interrupted me mod-sentence and had me go to another room to watch a video about not being a controlling husband. I wasn't even being aggressive or raising my voice about it. Fuck that guy, too…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 10:25 PM
2

Are you seeing a therapist? I highly recommend it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 08:46 PM
6

When someone is hurting you, don't rush to blame yourself, don't find ways to rationalize their utterly insane excuses, and for the love of all that is holy listen to that voice in the back of your head telling you "you know this is complete bullshit right ?". I wish someone had told me this when I caught my ex-wife having an affair. Instead, my ex told me it was my fault, that she'd moved on because I wasn't giving her enough romance/time/attention/whatever (would have been nice for her to have…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 08:39 PM
2

My divorce happened a long time ago, but maybe some of my hindsight will help you out: The most overwhelming part of the season was recurring thoughts and imaginations of my ex having a sexual relationship with her affair partner. Couldn't get it out of my head. It still haunts me some days (16 years later). The uncertainty was that I wanted to work on things and she kept flip flopping on if she wanted to work on the marriage or go be with the other guy. It went on for 7-8 months, and she bounce…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 08:14 PM
2

tl;dr - She took everything we had and then some... and I got her cat. We were young and didn't have much, although we had more than most people at that age. Married when she was 21 and I was 23. Separated when she was 22 and I was 24. Divorced when she was 23 and I was 25. We had a $20k emergency fund and no debt. Spent almost the entirety of the $20k on counseling and therapy trying to save the marriage (during which time she was continuing her affair, basically living with the guy she was fuc…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 04:37 PM
5

And I have cut many more cheaters out of my own life that were men than women, unfortunately. I wonder what the true statistics are on women VS men cheating since the rise of social media and dating apps. I have cut out way, way more cheaters from my life that were women. I've only cut out one man because he was unashamedly cheating on his partner (and sadly he was my very best friend, who I considered and called my brother for 20 years). Meanwhile just about every guy friend I have has been che…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 04:16 PM
15

Most marriages end in divorce. The number is even higher in protestant/evangelical Christian denominations. Westernized culture has changed to "if it's broken, throw it away and get a new one" for pretty much everything, including relationships. It's not that most men pursue walkaway wives, it's that most people (men included) have bought into the walkaway culture. This impacts marriage, friendships, and even familial relationships. It sucks and I hate it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 11:37 AM
1

Thanks :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 09:53 PM
2

Couldn't sleep, had panic attacks, did EMDR therapy for PTSD symptoms. I'm now 9 months out and sleeping 8 hours a night. You'll get there. How'd the EMDR work for you compared to everything else? I'm 16 years out from my divorce. Remarried for 12 years and love my current wife dearly. I had a trigger a few weeks ago that re-opened the wounds from my ex (crazy and stupid story, too...) and I've been back in the no-sleep anxiety cycle. Met with a therapist yesterday and I'm starting EMDR next wee…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 08:34 PM
7

That's a lot of crazy. I'm remarried but... if this one ends for some reason I don't think I can deal with all that lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 08:22 PM
3

Do you have a kid with your ex-wife?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 08:01 PM
1

I lied to myself and thought if I just endured the torment I could be there for him, even at the cost of myself. Now I know... I can't carry anyone anywhere when I'm sinking myself. I want to really hammer this home for you: you're right. You can't carry anyone when you're sinking yourself. But more than that, the best thing you can do for your son is show him that toxic relationships are bad. A loveless marriage with self-sacrificing for someone who doesn't want you will teach him to do the sam…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 04:42 PM
3

the mum of my youngest's best friend who started the separation process around the same time as me but it is taking longer for her. Personally, I wouldn't even consider a romantic relationship with her unless her divorce is 100% doing to happen. If there's a chance that her marriage reconciles, do you really want to be the other guy that's helping force it apart? Unless you are 100% certain of her separation and impending divorce situation, I'd just stay casual parent-friends and not push it. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 02:41 PM
12

Question for the other men in the group. Did you guys experience similar? How long before you were able to sleep a regular night again. I’m going on about 3 months now. This is extremely common. When the biggest issue in the most important relationship in your life isn't resolved, it's damn near impossible to rest. For me, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat. I was having such severe anxiety attacks about the impending decision that I literally couldn't keep food down. I dropped down to 105lbs -…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 01:37 PM
10

Get into therapy/counseling as soon as possible. Getting over cheating and losing your wife is hard - insanely hard. The more help you get, the better. I can't help but keep myself from punishing, rewinding things that if only I had a better emotional control, we'd still be together. I keep blaming myself for this. I still have her idealized image. You need to really understand this: you didn't cause her cheating and you can't put the responsibility of her leaving entirely on your shoulders. Goo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 01:30 PM
0

Did she lie to me about it too?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 01:50 AM
8

Other than these issues, she’s been an amazing wife. Other than asking you to give up your children and incessant accusations of cheating she's been an amazing wife? Bro... just... no. That's something so fucked up of her to ask of you that it outweighs literally everything else. Kinda like saying "besides the rampant genocide and military invasions, Hitler was a pretty cool guy." Especially coming from someone who has children from a previous marriage, if she doesn't understand that your kids a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/26 01:43 AM
2

Which state? My friend got divorced in Colorado right at the start of Covid. His ex made more than double what he did and even with a 50/50 custody agreement he somehow ended up having to pay her (well, until they got back together like 6 months later lol).
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 08:30 PM
1

Happy my ramblings could help you at least a little, I hope. If you ever need to chat, feel free to continue comment threads here or even DM/chat me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 05:53 PM
3

Your story is crazy, wow. Sorry you had to go through that. Even though it seems like you're much better off without that mess. Thanks. It's easily the worst thing I've ever gone through. I literally would rather have died of cancer than go through that mess. I'm definitely better off now. I've been remarried for 12 years. My wife is amazing. I have a crazy good career (executive at a very, very large company), a nice house, good friends. Shit's great. Except I still have PTSD triggers and wound…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 04:43 PM
2

I know a small amount women in their 30s who are single and absolutely amazing people. It's not common, though. My grieving brain tells me I'll be alone forever or will have to settle for someone worse than my children's mother, while she'll find some great guy and re-marry and become who I should've been. Eh, hard to tell. Women typically have an easier time finding men than the other way around... but it took my ex almost 10 years to re-marry. It took me 3 years to re-marry, after starting to …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 04:25 PM
4

I said to her I'm not sure if I want to repair our marriage anymore I think you need to get to the point where you can say you *are* sure that you *don't* want to repair the marriage. She's been using you and you're a month out from the final divorce application - I think you love her and are still holding out hope that something changes and you get her back. I'm so sorry, but that's not going to happen. Has anyone else here experienced anything similar? Yup. My ex cheated, then we went to marri…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 03:27 PM
3

Not all of them, but most of them... yeah. Why wouldn't a good person have an easy time finding another good person to spend their life with? In your late 30s and beyond, dating is basically finding someone who didn't settle down and start a family with someone else already (extremely rare) or someone who's in a similar position to you and got out of a serious long term relationship or marraige that ended (normally horribly). Or I guess finding someone much younger who doesn't mind partnering wi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 02:38 PM
20

Gonna be honest and straight to it. There are two issues here: You come off as having either a massive ego or a massive insecurity that you're overcompensating for. Given that you seem to have no issues hooking up, I'm guessing it's massive ego. Chill out with that. Date women closer to your age. People in their 20s, generally, don't want someone who's already lived most their life without them. They want a partner that they can experience all the stuff at the beginning with - their first marria…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 12:51 PM
1

That's a really weird one. My first thought is there's gotta be something else going on with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 09:04 PM
2

Shes accused me of cheating. Did she give any reasoning as to why she thinks you've been cheating?
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 07:21 PM
3

What if she does this again in future with or without kids ? Sorry friend, I don't think you'll have the opportunity to find out. It takes two people to get married, but only one to get divorced. She's already gone. The next thing to do is file the paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 06:27 PM
6

It's still fresh. 30 days out from your spouse leaving is not very long at all. It's going to emotionally suck for a while :( My advice: if you haven't already, file for divorce. The quicker you legally separate out the better so she can't start raiding joint assets on top of everything else she's done. Then, just give yourself some time to heal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/26 12:13 PM
3

You have to maintain composure for the sake of child custody. You absolutely don't have to be friends with her and her shitty husband, and there's no way I would be.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 04:08 PM
3

Withdrew from me. Starting listening to music genres she'd never listened to before. Started coming home from work later and later. When we were home together, she'd stay up on the computer instead of coming to bed with me (which she had never done before). Started dressing differently. Started getting angry at me for absolutely everything.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 02:51 PM
1

Just wanted to vent and ask if anyone has advice for waiting for a thing like this. Yeah, my advice is don't wait. If you're decided on divorce, just get it done with. Dragging it out isn't fair to you, it isn't fair to her, and it isn't fair to her family.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 03:10 AM
6

I hope you don't believe her lies about you anymore, at least, even if other people do. Just know that as imperfect as you were (because we're all imperfect), nothing you did caused her to cheat, lie, and screw you over like she's done. If she was a good person she would have worked to fix the marriage or she would have left, simple as that. Cheating, lying, screwing you over... that's what evil people do. What do good people do? They try to fix their marriage. Like you did. Sorry friend, I wish…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 03:06 AM
3

Well, either figure out how to understand and connect or end it. I think it's worth it to try everything you can to understand and connect, but it's up to you to decide what's worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 12:44 AM
7

Divorce is the worst thing I ever gone through and I don't wish it on anyone. I also think you're falling into the "the one that got away" hollywood movie trope. Thinking things would have been better with your ex is a fantasy. I mean, maybe they would have... Or maybe she would have gone crazy and set your house on fire with your family inside. Whatever is in your head is an idealized make believe world of the best possible way things could have turned out, which is rarely reality. My advice: d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 10:02 PM
8

I hope mins comes to her senses one day. Why? I thought my ex came to her senses about 6 months after we'd separated, before we'd actually divorced. Turns out she was still dating and basically living with her affair partner during that separation, and when they broke up she must have been feeling lonely or something and told me she wanted to fix things. I thought "great, she finally came to her senses!" and took her up on the offer to try again. Big mistake on my part. She just blamed everythin…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 07:56 PM
13

Yup, very common. My ex did this right after our first anniversary. She started becoming unhappy, I was trying my best to make her happy again (which wasn't good enough, obviously), then she decided things were done but hadn't told me. She had started having an affair. I found out and confronted her. We went to counseling and she told me she was done and ready for divorce during it, but that she just waiting to divorce me until her parents got back from a trip (because she didn't want them to fr…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 07:47 PM
8

lol, she can be pissed. I hope it gives her hell. Cheaters are bad people and she can stew in her own anger.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 04:58 PM
2

No, but we can fix a whole hell of a lot. I just think most people take marriage and divorce too lightly and basically treat it as dating with paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 01:09 PM
1

Thanks. I actually don't fault him. He had some issues, but overall he was a good guy and a good dad. One of the things I miss the most is her family - 16 years later and I'm still devastated I don't get to hang out with them. It's not his fault she lied to him about what was going on. He thought I was being abusively manipulative because of her cheating. If I had a daughter and she told me she was trying to make it work after chatting on her husband, but her husband was being endlessly resentfu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 01:07 PM
1

But what she did do positive was fuck. We had the most amazing sex life. Literally daily up till the point I moved out. And that I'm sure she's still at. That part is harder to process while I've been alone the last year. I think this is a trap we fall into no matter what. My ex and I had a pretty terrible sex life, which made it hard for me to process when she started an affair and split - I was so jealous at the idea of her having a good sex life with someone else. It's just shitty to picture …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 11:35 AM
1

I firmly believe in either fixing unhappy marriages or ending them. I've just removed ending the marriage from my own options, so when we start getting unhappy (which all marriages do from time to time, cuz life isn't a Disney movie) I fix it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 10:45 AM
14

Divorced people realize there's an out when things don't go their way, so they take it. I'm on my second marriage and this will absolutely be my last. We'll either be together until we die, or she'll leave me and I won't remarry again. Divorce isn't an option for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 02:05 AM
2

Yeah, it's great to not have to worry about running into her. And listen - things *do* get better, generally. I actually started dating someone else within a year of the divorce and got remarried about 12 years ago. My new wife kicks ass. I'm hopeful you'll find the same, if you want it, in time. Some more on my thing, since the When Harry Met Sally thing made me think of it: Apparently my ex moved out of my state like 7 years ago. I had no idea lol... I managed to avoid all her socials for almo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 09:21 PM
6

Yeah, when I divorced we split things without lawyers. She ended up stealing a bunch - took more than she was supposed to and even continued writing checks against our previously-joint account after she was removed from it, as well as using my debit card number to pay for her car insurance for a couple months beyond what she was supposed to. The lesson is: I really recommend not discussing this with her directly. Work through your lawyer. Sorry, but the reality is that divorce turns the marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 08:45 PM
2

for my kids One of the worst things you can do for your kids is to stay in a toxic marriage. It either needs to be fixed or it needs to end, and from what I'm reading it's not getting fixed. Honestly, I'm guessing she's attractive and that's about it? She doesn't sound like she's someone worth being with.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 08:06 PM
5

Therapy. It took me years to get over that, and then it came back recently when I stumbled upon her husband's business profile that has a pic of her in it. Now I'm heading back to therapy. It sucks dude and I wish I could say something to help. But really, therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 07:28 PM
2

Food service (restaurants and bars). I have yet to meet someone working in food service who hasn't hooked up with almost all of their coworkers. If they're teenagers, they're at least making out with each other. If they're adults, they're all having sex with each other.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 05:45 PM
6

Just because she's allowed to move on doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you emotionally. You need to not live together like yesterday. Either she moves out or you do. Sleep on a friends couch. Sleep in your parents guest room. She can go stay with her new boyfriend or whatever. Doesn't really matter how, you just gotta get away from seeing her every day. If I had stayed living with my ex while she was fucking the other guy I don't think I'd have survived. And I mean that very literally.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 02:41 PM
9

You're not alone. My ex started off with an emotional affair with a dude from college. She had quit her job to go back to school, but then picked up a part time job at a restaurant cuz school was super part time and she was "bored." Anyway, I found out sheds been talking to this guy in a way-more-than-friends way for a little while. After I found out and confronted her, she started going on dates with him (which "she" paid for). Then she started fucking him. Turns out this guy was a part time li…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 02:38 PM
5

Nurses are amazing, but I'd never date or marry one. That field is like #2 for infidelity, where everyone who works together is having sex with each other to cope with long hours and shared trauma.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 09:53 AM
4

Food service and student. She wanted to be a chef and open her own restaurant and was going through a culinary program. I was scrimping and saving to help make that dream a reality. Then she - surprise - cheated. That was a long time ago. I haven't creeped on her linked in, so no idea what she does these days. Luckily we had no kids so I could cut contact. I'd bet she abandoned the chef and business woman dream, though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 09:49 AM
1

Some people are weird. My ex kept my last name for years. I just recently found out she remarried like 7 years ago... And changed her name back to her maiden name. Wish I could give more insight lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/26 02:05 AM
1

I feel like I am betraying her by not telling her that we are now divorced and its eating me from inside. OK, there are a few things going on here. Yes, you absolutely need to tell her that the divorce is finalized. It's actually kind of crazy and immoral to let her think you're still married to her. It's not fair to either of you. She's using the guilt to manipulate you into staying in a relationship with her. This is not OK. If she's sad because you divorced her after she's been cheating on yo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 02:09 PM
10

So, you two are in your 60s now, right? No minor children to co-parent... I would just ghost her entirely. When I got divorced we didn't have kids. She basically took everything. The court said 50/50 split of assets, but she's a bad person so she took everything she could get her hands on. Luckily we were young and it wasn't very much money or stuff. As soon as things were finalized and our accounts separated, I never talked to her again. I set up some auto-responses in my email in case she reac…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 01:57 PM
1

Toxic relationships aren't stability.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/26 12:17 AM
1

I always hope that people fix it. Divorce is the worst thing I've ever gone through, and I sincerely believe it will be worse than anything I go through in the future. But as a child of a couple who should have divorced 20 years before they did: if it can't be fixed it needs to end. Please. I could write you multiple books about how damaging it is to kids when the parents stay in a toxic marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 11:02 PM
1

Either fix it or end it. Staying in a bad marriage will just fuck up your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 10:11 PM
1

So Im curious on how to proceed with divorce / separation? What did you guys do? How did you feel? Did you regret it? I’m just looking for suggestions, I’m done with this one sided marriage. I'm just gonna get to the point with you. From what you're describing, it really sounds like: She's cheating on you. She's using you for money. She doesn't live with you and doesn't even talk to you. This isn't even a friendship, much less a marriage. It's a financial arrangement for you to fund whatever the…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 11:38 AM
1

Are you worried you're going to get a divorce because your wife doesn't like the people you follow on social media?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 05:06 AM
3

I technically filed, but it was a long time coming. Shortest version I have - she cheated, I found out, she kept cheating and we separated. After a while she wanted to get back together and I foolishly said I'd give it another try. She kept talking to her affair partner, though. Texts every day, mostly to argue about why she was back with me. Then he started calling non stop so she blocked his number. Then he started calling from random other numbers. I asked her to just change her phone number.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 04:58 AM
8

Biggest two realizations that helped me: You're not compatible with every woman you have a crush on and that's ok. Best thing in a relationship is finding someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Your ex-girlfriend, apparently, isn't that person. You'll find her, don't worry and realize that patience is a skill not a trait. Focus on enjoying the journey.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/26 12:07 AM
5

Oh dude, me too. One of my biggest regrets is how much I let her just steamroll over me. Unfortunately, at that time in my life my entire friends circle and support system was devoutly christian and they all gave me the whole "you have to fight for your marriage because god blah blah blah" thing and I bought it. Big mistake in hindsight.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/26 11:39 PM
7

oh, I definitely did. My life kicks ass now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/26 10:34 PM
9

Tried? She tried to get me to take her on a vacation to Europe after she broke up with her new boyfriend (the guy she'd been cheating on me with). I was so desperately in love with her still that I almost did it, too. There was also one time she got mad at me for not cleaning her apartment (used to be "our" apartment but I'm the one who moved)... 2 months after we had separated and she had her new boyfriend basically living there. I guess she wanted me to swing by every few days and be her butle…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/26 07:23 PM
18

Not because she’s sorry or anything like that. Ding ding. No, I wouldn't respond to the second message. I say that as a guy who *did* respond to that second marriage after separation. Here's what happened. She was cheating on me for a while and when we split she continued the relationship with her AP. After a few months she reached out with basically "wanna meet and talk about trying again?" and I fell into the trap because I still loved her. Within days she was planning us a vacation to Europe.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/26 12:30 PM
1

What are your songs? I started listening to an absurd amount of j-rock and instrumental metal. Anything with lyrics just made me too emotional or too depressed. Maximum the Hormone got through a whole lotta long commutes!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/26 03:20 AM
3

don’t think I’ll ever trust one again You never know. I thought I'd never trust again after getting screwed over twice in a row (ex-fiance left me for our bible study leader, ex-wife cheated - to put it mildly). Third time was the charm. Been together 15 years, married 12, no end in sight (for which I'm thankful). You'll always have scars, but time heals. Gotta learn to find enjoyment in the journey.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/26 12:07 AM
3

Sorry friend, wish I could grab a beer with you since your support bailed. Do what you need to keep holding on. I'm glad you're still alive!
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 11:52 PM
16

Doesn't matter that she's mad. You're getting divorced so each other's happiness isn't really the goal here. The goal is a fair split and reasonable co-parenting arrangement. When you got married, finances became joint. There was no his and hers, there was "ours." Now that you're divorcing, it gets split back into his and hers. Take what you're owed, because that's what is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 08:35 PM
5

If it was your fault, she wouldn't have cheated she would have just left. Nothing a spouse does justifies the other committing evil acts. Those were her choices resulting from her lack of character and integrity. Her actions indicate that she's a bad person, not you. If the people asking what you did to deserve are your friends, guess what? They're not your friends anymore. Find new ones. Sorry you're going through this. I went through it 15 years ago and I still get angry about it from time to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 03:18 PM
1

Sorry you're going through this, man. Fighting for your marriage while she's actively pursuing someone else is - by far - the worst I've ever felt, and I'm guessing with your personality it's about the same for you. At least she seems to have broken it off so she can get divorced first. That'll be better for both of you. I don't really have any advice besides the standard stuff. From this point keep interactions with her professional and limited to co-parenting and divorce topics. Find a therapi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:32 PM
2

at this point, I’m just looking for a good time. Are you sure that's the energy you're putting out there? Talking up your home ownership, career, and relationship with your kids screams "I'm a catch for the long term" (which you probably are, which is awesome). The issue is that at our age, especially with kids, you've got to find someone interested in picking up a relationship with someone mid-life. People in their 20s tend to be more interested in someone they can live a whole life with - they…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:28 AM
3

It's been 15 years since my divorce (16 since she started cheating instead of divorcing me first...) so it's hard for me to say I feel like it came out of the blue. I've just had so long to think about it I know what went wrong and when. For more context, I've also been remarried for 12 years and have a great (although imperfect, because nothing is) relationship with my wife. I will say: I 100% disagree with the no ultimatums advice. If my ex-wife had told me "I need _____ or I'm done" at any po…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 09:11 AM
1

You certainly have a chip.on your shoulder about this. Cheers.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 03:07 PM
0

That the problem, and the reason why they have ended up here, is him and his issues, not her. Most women who cheat only do so once they have decided the relationship ship is irrevocably broken down and past saving. He is a problem, but she's part of it and also has a massive lack of integrity. If she was in the right, she wouldn't cheat - she would just leave. This is a classic "everyone is the asshole" situation and I feel terrible for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 02:51 PM
1

Well, yeah. I guess I'm taking a guess here by assuming that OP is somewhere in the US.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 02:49 PM
1

Stalking your own wife. In some places, what you are doing is highly illegal and could get you some serious charges. If he's in the US, what he's doing is illegal in all states with some overlap with federal laws as well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 01:44 PM
3

It's really not complicated. Raising kids in a toxic marriage fucks them up long term. Where do you think they learn what a "healthy" relationship looks like? Do you want them to internalize that this is normal and to continue the pattern when they grow up? Either fix the marriage or get divorced. Your plan to wait to decide and continue bugging her car until she takes a trip and likely levels up one of these affairs or fucks some other dude you don't know about it ridiculous and, frankly, crimi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 09:51 AM
1

If he lived in the house for some amount of time while married he has a marital interest in some amount of the equity/proceeds from that sale, even if the house wasn't in his name. At least in my state that's how it works, maybe it's different in others.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:29 PM
3

My parents divorced when I was 20. They should have divorced when I was 5. If you want to fuck up these kids by teaching them marriage is a loveless farce, stay married. If you care about them, be honest and do the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 10:22 PM
7

You didn't deserve what she did, and what's she's continuing to do, to you. My ex did so much of that same stuff to me, except we didn't have a kid in the mix. 100% find a new psychiatrist/therapist/counselor. This was not your fault and there was nothing you could do to stop her from cheating, lying, and abusing you. No amount of being a better husband would have avoided it. She cheated, lied, and abused you because she's a bad person who somehow convinced you to fall in love with her (bad peop…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 05:12 PM
5

Find a new psychiatrist, yours is abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 04:59 PM
9

My ex did something similar before we started marriage counseling... And she started a nearly year long affair. I very much regret giving her the opportunity to hurt me more. Obviously, me and my wife are different people... But dude, if she's talking about having an affair as an option and trying to friend zone you, this isn't going to end well. Protect yourself and your relationship with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 04:56 PM
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