This is one distinctions that husbands often fall into the other.
As we know, God’s created man and woman in the beginning. Woman was meant to be man’s helper in marriage. This is affirmed in the rest of the Biblical marital roles and responsibilities with Paul outlining the headship-submission and love-respect that Christ has for the Church in the New Creation in Christ.
It is one thing to ask for advice or an opinion on a certain situation and take that into consideration, and ti is another thing to loo for a woman’s approval on a topic. The former falls in line with leadership and decision making that goes with it and the wife as your helper. The latter is basically an inversion of the roles.
For instance, in the military someone a lieutenant could bring a plan to his captain for approval. This would be the inferior bringing it up to a superior and having the superior make the decision on if it was good to go or not. Similarly, this could be like someone working under a boss at work coming up with a plan of action and asking the boss to approve it. On the other hand, it’s the captain’s job or the boss’s job to delegate the tasks and ask for advice and lead the group. If she’s looking for approval rather than help, then that’s going to invert the roles.
It’s very easy for husbands to fall into the trap of instead of asking for help from their wife to look for their wife for approval. This is the complementarians bait-and-switch as well. Because agreement is godliness to them, if the husband is making the plans and decisions he must get his wife’s agreement for it to be good and godly. This is no different than an inferior bringing a plan to the superior for approval.
Generally, a leader needs a mission and should set the terms of the mission. That way the help of the helper can be readily acknowledged and not turned into nagging or approval issues. Hence, why mission has always been one of the themes of the Christian walk as well as in marriage.
