One of the biggest areas of temptation that is often obscured by our culture in the Church is the exceptions temptation.
For example, when the concept of wifely submission to the husband is brought up, you will find that many Christian wives will almost invariably ask along with the most probably line of response is:
Topic: “Let’s talk about submission to husbands.”
Wife: “But what if my [Christian] husband commands me to sin?”
Response: “Well, if he tells you to sin then you disobey him so you don’t sin.”
This type of “exception” question is actually a temptation in disguise in the vast majority of cases. It is a redirect away from a productive discussion about the righteous concept of submission toward a statistically improbable situation that virtually never occurs in real life. In fact, taking out the “sin” part, I’ve rarely heard a husband “command” his wife to do anything. That just goes to show you how absurd this line of thinking is in the first place.
The most probable line of response tells a woman what she wants to hear. In other words, she should ‘be rebellious, if he asks her to sin.’ However, the reality is far darker. The real problem is the diversion away from submission obscures the Truth and replaces it with terms that usually aren’t discussed such as ‘what constitutes sin?’ Hence, what many women actually hear is:
- “I don’t have to obey him, if I don’t want to.”
- “I don’t have to obey him, if I don’t feel like it.”
Thus, the probable response plays right into a woman’s sin nature by inadvertently encouraging a rebellious attitude. In almost all of the cases I’ve seen where a wife asks this question, you can tell from her attitude and tone of voice she simply wants to be able to be rebellious and throw headship back in their husband’s face: “That’s a sin and I’m not going to do it!” which in reality is simply “I don’t want to listen to you.”
In fact, a righteous answer should include a redirect back to submission.
Topic: “Let’s talk about submission to husbands.”
Wife: “But what if my [Christian] husband commands me to sin?”
Response: “When’s the last time you heard a husband command his wife, much less to sin? Now, as I was saying about submission…”
If you want to actually address the question, then you have to discuss the right heart attitude and actions. This would go something like this:
Topic: “Let’s talk about submission to husbands.”
Wife: “But what if my [Christian] husband commands me to sin?”
Response: “You should find where it says it is a sin in the Scripture. Then you come to him with a respectful and submissive attitude and say: ‘Hey, I think this may be against what God says in the Scripture here and my conscience. Is there anything else I can do instead to make it up to you? Now, as I was saying about submission…”
Obviously, the correct response is one that encourages respect and submission as the Scripture states. It is an attitude and actions that want to obey and not rebel. It gives alternatives for obedience.
This is why it’s important to consider the implications behind women and wives questions instead of answering them directly. There’s usually some subtle background information driving her response to ask one. Do not fall prey to distracting and redirecting questions.
Bonus points comment and response on this topic.
Maybe that’s some women’s motives but not mine. I’ve point blank asked my husband if I’m submissive and he states I am. He has never asked me to sin. But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t. My biggest concern is if that happens I want to stand in front God with a good reason for not obeying him or for sinning.
And that’s the problem right there. You are thinking he “could.”
You know your husband’s character. If he made an honest mistake and was unaware then you, as his helpmeet, bring it up to him respectfully. “Hey, this might be a problem because…”
Wives have concerns that they’re husbands are going to turn into some horrible monsters when the subject of authority comes up. This is ingrained because our culture despises authority via feminism and even the revolutionary war. I’m not surprised.
It’s the attitude of *letting him lead* instead of *following his lead.* I’m going to let him lead *until* he tells he to do something that is sinful.
Conclusions
To summarize my points, since apparently even BGR did not understand what I was trying to get at:
- The Scripture is quite clear that if a [Christian] leader is advocating sin, other Christians should speak up to ensure that he doesn’t go astray. Not just those under authority. This is the importance of family and community as a husband and wife are not unto their own.
- The Scripture is clear that if you have a moral issue with a leader(s) degree you do your best to be respectful and obey to the extent that you don’t disobey God, even potentially offering obedience in other ways as I have give examples above. Give Scriptural examples to the leader. Any discussion must be done in a respectful and submissive attitude. The intent of those under authority should be to obey by finding a way to obey without sin.
- Wives are scared their husbands are going to turn into evil monsters when/if they have to submit. Part of this is from the ingrained anti-authority and anti-masculine sentiment from our culture, which leads to the exception temptation. This is living in fear. As I discussed earlier, if there’s an honest mistake then it’s no big deal to bring it up to a husband. The very fact that wives keep making it a big deal shows that there is other undercurrents involved rather than asking “honest questions.” The undercurrents of rebellion in our culture are strong and need to be rooted out.
- The diversion tendency is one of moral dilemmas. Do I obey God or my husband? In fact, these moral dilemmas are false. There is no mutually exclusive answer because you can figure out pretty easily if it’s a honest mistake or not which most of the time it is. Or, like Sarah and Abraham, the wife may have a heart to obey and then God intervenes or the husband may change his mind before she sins. The point is that there are opportunities to show that you want to obey and alert the leader at the same time that there might be a problem.
- Wives with actual non-Christian husbands have it difficult. In the vast majority of cases, it’s still highly unlikely that a non-Christian husband will advocate sin if she is acting in accordance with 1 Peter 3. It’s possible, sure, but I have already covered how to respond to that in #2.
