A bit of discussion about alpha in analysis of alpha widowhood made me want to revisit this topic.

This has been a topic with a large amount of misinformation in both the secular and Christian manosphere. There’s a lot of black and white thinking, and that leads to a lot of loss of hope and despair in some as well as ineffective or excessive macho posturing in others.

Generally, the most basic definition of “alpha” I think most can agree on is the embodiment of certain traits in a man that women are attracted to. This would be the common lists that we have discussed before like PSALMs and masculinity.

  • P – Power
  • S – Status
  • A – Athleticism
  • L – Looks
  • M – Money
  • Masculinity – Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness.[9][10][11][12]. (note: to be honest, it’s not just the West that women like these).

I’ve covered why PSALMs are attractive in A Christian understanding of attraction, and the role it plays in marriage Part 3. Masculinity is also generally a proxy for headship/leadership (Ephesians 5). To be a leader, one must be:

  • Independent (e.g. Genesis 2- a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife),
  • Assertiveness to lead and make decisions (e.g. Jesus with his ministry and the disciples following)
  • Courage to face difficulties (e.g. Jesus going against the religious leaders and standing up for what is right and sacrificing Himself for us),
  • Strong (e.g. 1 Cor 16:13 Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. and 1 Kings 2:1 When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son. 2 “I am about to go the way of all the earth,” he said. “So be strong, act like a man, 3 and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses.)

So we know that generally men who embody such traits tend to be more attractive and thus “more alpha” according to some. This also applies not just to the male-female hierarchy but also to male-male hierarchies. Usually the “alpha male of the group” so to speak is usually the leader of men. You usually see the team captain in professional sports have traits like leadership, charisma, strong influence and such over their teammates that they are able to lead them well in the sport.

Usually men who embody traits where they are leaders of men are also attractive with women (e.g. quarterback for football, team captains, businessmen, etc.) but it’s not always the case. Some of these men buy into popular culture romance garbage and while they are usually able to end up attracting women due to their high PSALMs and masculinity they eventually end up with multi-broken relationships and divorces. Hollywood and pro sports divorce is a good example of that. You can have all the attractive traits in the world, but if you’re trying to be the chivalrous knight in shining armor to your “queen,” the queen will eventually replace you for another knight they can play with or a king.

Most people are too black and white on alpha/attraction. In general, there are many difference ways you can become a particular woman’s desired man that she is attracted to.

  • I know a few guys who are overweight and not lookers themselves but have a commanding presence in niche areas in D&D and such and their wives adore them. Groupies exist.
  • Throw a 6-7 guy in a Church where most of the men are 3-5s and you can be the relative alpha there and get much more attention from women. Same with small town type of atmospheres if you live there.
  • There are some pretty ugly dudes in pro sports but they’re famous and rich enough to make up for it.
  • Just as not every man is looking for the most beautiful woman he has ever seen to marry, not every woman is looking for the most attractive man they can to marry. Yes, some to a lot of attraction is important for most. However, there are more than enough ways for men to grow in PSALM traits, masculinity, and other things that are attractive if you want to increase your chances of finding a woman who is into you.

Generally, as long as she is into you and wants *you* then you’re in a good spot.

Like I’ve said before, most of my friends call my wife a 7-9 but me a 5-6. I’m shorter than average and underweight according to most. But my wife wanted me because I was unlike any man she met when I started talking and dating her as I’ve detailed the ways on this blog that I prepared for to lead the relationship to obey God. Obviously, she was attracted to me physically at least some, but I’m objectively not a looker to most. I’m handsome according to her but I think average to her sisters, so personality helps shape her attraction some.

In general, I think most men would do well to stop worrying about being absolute cream of the crop. Obviously, if one is below average or average and wants to marry he would do well to take into account that improving attraction through spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and such will definitely help raise the chances. But too narrow a definition of what is needed to be successful with women is for the most part probably black pill.