Blogger Aneroid Ocean describes a situation:
This weekend I was surrounded by attractive female volleyball players after a tournament at the hot tub and playing beer pong, and a friend of a female friend, Russian by birth but raised in the states, amazing body, totally into me, liquored up, and I had to throw in the towel as my friends with benefits showed up and then someone told her the Russian was all into me ( not even that I did anything with the Russian) and then my fwb (Maria) broke down crying and I went to talk to her and had to break things off with her and she’s obviously in love with me and ends up despondent all night so I pull her away from alcohol and spend the night with her while she bawls her eyes out and the Russian, my roommate and the Russians mutual friend are wondering where I went and they all tell me the Russian was primed to go home with me. What the fuck?! ? ! ?
What could Mr. Ocean have done differently?
First, I would say he could have ignored Maria and her tears (temporarily nuking that relationship), and gone home with the hot Russian girl and put his rod in her putin.
But lets back that thang up for a moment and treat the disease, not the symptom.
The root cause of the drama, Mr. Ocean, is that you let Maria catch feelings.
Never let your fuck buddy catch feelings.
The rules for fuck buddies:
Meet up once per week maximum. Any more than that and one or both of you are at risk for catching feelings.
No talking about feelings or boyfriend shit. Minimal cuddling.
No dates. When you meet up it is all about sex.
If you set these unspoken boundaries, the girl will either fall in line or start refusing your attempts to hook up.
If she refuses, she isn’t ready to be someone’s fuck buddy, she actually expects to be treated with respect and shit. If you commit more time to a girl like this while still trying to force her into a fuck buddy frame, you send the wrong signals and suddenly you have a girl crying and ruining your Volleyball party.
This brings up the obvious fact that most well-adjusted girls aren’t great candidates for a fuck buddy situation.
Hey wait a minute, you say, Ocean was talking about a Friend with benefits, not a fuck buddy, so those rules don’t apply, right? You can hang out with a girl as friends, fuck her now and then, and not expect to catch drama, right?
You dream, cocksmith.
A true friendship with benefits is impossible.
Sure, you treat your fuck buddies in friendly terms to keep things on an even keel. You aren’t streaking her with jizz, burping in her face and telling her to get the fuck out.
But you aren’t friends like lets hang out as often as we want, open up, do fun stuff together, oh and also have sex.
Feelings will always get in the way.
Some guys can master fuck buddy management. I’ve had a few fuck buddies but for me personally, its really not my thing. I like when girls have emotions for me beyond my chiseled physique and divining rod, and you can’t allow that to happen with fuck buddies. The sex is cool, but it ends up being unfulfilling.
I always preferred to get my non-girlfriend sex in one night stands or flings.
Flings are great. Flings last anywhere from a week to a few months. In a fling you are both drawn in through attraction, you can connect as much as like, see each other as often as you like, and express as much passion as you like. There is no spoken commitment, but no denial of commitment, and this state of limbo gives your relationship an exciting tension. The sex is great but you enjoy the time spent together as well. Ideally, there is a finite endpoint (your vacation ends, or she moves back to her home country or something) but sometimes it just fades away as you start contacting her less. Sometimes it will end when she pushes for more commitment and you break her heart. There could be a one-time cost of drama at the end of the fling. Still, I consider that a more fair ending than stringing a “friend with benefits” along, like Mr. Ocean accidentally did to Maria.
Having a fling comes much more naturally than having a drama-free fuck buddy.
Also, keep in mind that if she is the only girl you’re fucking, you aint ready for no fuck buddy. You will end up seeing her too often, or leaning on her as a fallback and one or both of you will catch feelings.
