The Three dysfunctional Captains and First officers. Part I

One prolific writer in our space, who went by the pen name JackTenOfHearts, wrote the equivalent of 5 full books of material. He would breakdown unattractive, useless, and self sabotaging mental models from men in their situations. He would use language that resonated with men. He would apply what we’ve all learned in our time there. He brought to light one of the most optimistic ideas we had ever seen.

For men in failing or failed relationships, we are surprisingly consistent. Men having problems in a relationship fit into three archetypes, simply outlined. Three archetypes of dysfunctional captains and their first officers. The naval metaphor was taken from Athol Kay (author of Married Man Sex Life Primer) and Ian Ironwood (author of Manosphere!) It was an apt analogy to describe the male dominant relationship dynamic, previously mentioned in Praxeology of the Dominant male.

It refers to the captain and first officer dynamics, where the man in a relationship is the ultimate source of responsibility and accountability in the marriage with a trusted adviser of a woman with him. While the model has some revisions which you will read about later, the captain metaphor stuck.

The reason I call it optimistic is because of the sheer number of unhappy men being so simply categorized into three discrete categories. It means that all of our misery in love, relationships, and parenting are all common. Not every man experiences them, which means that no man has to experience them if they work at it. It’s a small enough set of miseries that allows for many men over long periods of time to solve the problem and pass the information onto others.

That is what I want you, the reader, to take away from this section. You may not perfectly fit into one category, but you will fit predominantly into one. Take that initial state and use it to guide you through the work in the remainder of this book. Some of the mental models are designed for the drunken captain, while others are for the neurotic captain and his constantly complaining passenger. Some are to help lead your woman out of the maze of her emotions, also called the hamster. Others are to learn your own self worth and make the difficult decisions as the Captains husband.

This was all evolved out of a need for tools. The dysfunctional captains and first officer of a relationship were meant to provide structure to the process, an over arching deep narrative that you can fill with applicable mental models. Most importantly, it gives you a direction from which to steer your ship.

The archetypes are:

• The drunken captain and his begrudging first officer

• The neurotic captain and his constantly complaining first officer; and

• The captain and her husband.