A detailed description of the process to achieve sexual sanctification in marriage (and how Alpha Widows are formed outside of marriage).

Readership: All; Men; Married Men; Marriage Minded Men;
Theme: Validation; Feminine Submission; Whorable Wonders;
Length: 2,000 words
Reading Time: 11 minutes

Foreword

This post summarizes a long-running examination of Validation by Σ Frame and Christianity and Masculinity, and offers some new conclusions and theoretical models.

Previous Work

In 2022, I presented a praxeological model of Validation (2022/10/11).

The original model was given as…

Validation = Domination + Defilement –> Humility + Ego Affirmation –> Her Feeling Loved

Since then, this model has been revisited in other posts.

As an aside, sometimes I am at the limit of my understanding, seeing how all of this is a comprehensive juxtaposition of all things metaphysical / psychological / sexual / social / spiritual about human nature — things that (to my knowledge) have never been identified / examined / discussed before.  IOW, it is a pioneering work.  So I have to admit, when I made that model, I was guessing about some of the blanks, hoping that someone might provide some further insights.  So I’d like to thank Deep Strength (the author of Christianity and Masculinity) for reviewing this theoretical model in more depth and greater scrutiny, and adding to it.

In More thoughts on the Validational sex equation (2022/12/2), Deep Strength changed my equation of Validational Sex regarding a string of causal consequences.

DS’s Revised Equation:

Validational Sex = Domination (before, during, and after sex) –> Feeling of being possessed –> Humility (he takes what is his) + Ego affirmation (he wants me) + defilement (she is his, and no other) –> Her feeling loved

DS noted that domination generally only occurs if a man is able to trigger her hypergamy strong enough, and so I’ve added Attraction and Arousal to the beginning of the process (as listed by DS).

Additionally, case studies suggest that Defilement usually precedes Affirmation, in the general form of first “knocking her down” and then later “building her up” through (ego) affirmation, comfort, reassurance, and security, etc.

Putting all this together, we have the following string of causal consequences leading to Validation.

  1. Attraction
  2. Arousal
  3. Domination (before, during, and after sex)
  4. Defilement (this is the banging, wet, nasty, profane stuff)
  5. Ego affirmation (he wants me)
  6. Feeling of being possessed
  7. Humility (he takes what is his)
  8. Her feeling loved
  9. Ownership (she is his, and no other)
  10. Sanctification

Some of these steps may come in a different order, on a case-by-case basis, but I think all of these steps need to be present in some way.

Widows are formed when this process is completed, or is very close to completion, and then is interrupted by the man’s death (true widows) or his disappearance (Alpha Widows).

Burning Lust vs Icky Disgust

DS and I have pointed out that there are two kinds of Defilement, or maybe it’s just two ironic aspects of the same thing.  One is the “icky” factor that produces disgust and shame, and then there is the humility / humiliation factor, which fosters her feelings of love.  (Oscar pointed out the latter in a comment.)

This dichotomy encapsulates one of the most exasperating conundrums faced by women: their deep desire to obtain the Validational part of Defilement without having to deal with, or take responsibility for, the negative, socially unacceptable, and ugly aspects — the “icky” part.

The “icky” part comes in four general paradigms (at least), each having many contextual varieties, all having enticements that make it unavoidable.

  1. Physical: The banging, wet, nasty, profane stuff that is necessary to evoke genuine humility. Women thoroughly enjoy this when coming from a High SMV man, but it is also often obscene and therefore deeply embarassing. OTOH, the very idea of this stuff with a Low SMV man is utterly repulsive to them, and their reactions to it are scathing.
  2. Social: Intense embarrassment and shame arising from any knowledge of their sexual activities made public; social ostracization due to promiscuity, etc.
  3. Sociosexual: Sexual attention from Low SMV men, which is unavoidable when women go trolling for attention from High SMV men.
  4. Evo-Psyche: Women’s Existential Fear of getting stuck with a non-Tingle-inducing man.

In general, things that induce the “ick” response when coming from a Low SMV man are the same things that foster Validation when coming from a sufficiently High SMV man.

As I’ll discuss later, women’s intuitive sense of FEAR informs them of which aspect of Defilement they are facing in any given context.

Clarification of Terms Used

In my past writings, I made the distinction between “icky” Defilement and Validating Defilement by simply calling the former Defilement and the latter Sanctification.  However, as DS suggests, the word Humility is sufficient to describe the latter, and also better, since Sanctification also requires Commitment and Ownership (which I’ll explain below) as well as Humility.

Humility involves three aspects in practice.

  1. The stripping of dignity and formal pretenses, i.e. Defilement.
  2. A willing act of service that forms a vector of bonding / purpose.
  3. An open-hearted expression of desire, e.g. for attention, emotional connection, sex, trust, etc. (This may come later.)

The acts of service that are most conducive towards sanctification are…

  1. A man’s obedience and submission towards God, including maintaining Boundaries, pursuing their life purpose, loving their wives, etc.
  2. A woman’s obedience to God via respect and submission towards her male head, i.e., being a companion and helper.

Furthermore, when one makes an effort to do things for another, this also creates and/or reinforces feelings of love, as I described in How To Get A Better Response From Your Girl (2018/2/27).

Recent Work

After that burst of insight in 2022, I didn’t have any further ideas about this model, so I put it on the back burner for a while … until this year, I had some insights related to FEAR, and I decided to continue writing on the topic of Validation.  I didn’t have everything ironed out at the beginning of this theme, but I anticipated that more of the truth would emerge as I examined additional case studies and did more exploratory writing.

The posts in this theme that specifically addressed this subject are as follows.

Kingdom Rule

DS introduced the concept of Kingdom Rule, which asserts that Christian Men are the Lord’s Kingdom Helpers and we are to Rule the Earth, e.g., by tending the garden, by making disciples of all nations, etc. (See Genesis 1-3.)

Kingdom Rule accurately specifies these two roles directly.

1. Kingdom (Genesis 1) — Helper (Genesis 2)
2. Rule (Genesis 1-3) — “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1)

The concept of Kingdom Rule aligns with the Validation Equation as follows.

First, Kingdom Rule is the male counterpart / equivalent of the female Fear-Respect paradigm.

  • Kingdom Rule generates dominion.  A man taking dominion over the earth, animals, and women (i.e., a wife) leads to him building his own Kingdom (e.g. a family), which generates Respect from others.
  • Fear-Respect generates a submissive (cooperative helper) and sexual (procreative) response.  A man dominating or ruling over his Kingdom (i.e., his wife) elicits the necessary Fear-Submission component in a woman to bring about a complete and titillating sexual response from her.

Second, the original equation for Validation (2022/10/11)…

Validation = Domination + Defilement –> Humility + Ego Affirmation –> Feeelz of Self-Lurrrve

…corresponds with Domination = Rule, and Validation => Sexual Arousal.

According to the Validation Equation, this implies that Domination is necessary but not sufficient for Female Arousal to occur. It also requires the other things in the equation.

Third, Male Kingdom + Rule corresponds with Female Attraction + Arousal, respectively.

Kingdom –> Sexual Attraction, and Rule –> FEAR –> Sexual Arousal.

That is, Females are Attracted to Male Dominion / Kingdom, and Females are Aroused by Male Rule (expressed via Dominance, i.e. Game, e.g. Amused Mastery, Command Presence, Detachment, Soft Dread, etc.).

Here, it is noted that Male Rule must (?) play up the FEAR Dynamic to elicit Female Arousal. PUA’s used to call this “sexual tension”.

This graph from Sexual Submission (2022/10/14) agrees with this connection and illustrates the function of Rule / Game.

img-1783678223-6a50c50f20fd26.36771810.png

On this point, DS wrote,

“Hypergamy / Attraction and Dominance / Sexual Arousal are more of the base-instincts of the body (much like feelings are more primal, so to speak), and the conscious thought processes are usually a post-processing rationalization of what our body is feeling.”

“In general, women have more post-processing modifications in regard to their attraction and sexual arousal than men do. There’s many, many, many more ways to turn off a woman, especially in any of the phases of a relationship, like meeting, dating, developing the relationship, and even into marriage. Perhaps some of that is due to brain architecture, as women’s brains are more interconnected than men’s — their feelings tend not to be able to be separated as well from their conscious thinking as men’s, who can compartmentalize better.”

Dominance Dynamics

In summary of DS’s post, Kingdom Rule — Putting it all together with hypergamy, dominance, respect, fear, and womens’ sexual attraction and arousal (2025/6/28) and Jack’s post, Dominion and Fear-Based Intersexual Dynamics (2025/7/25), when a man’s Dominance topples a woman’s internal sense of control, it induces her to adopt a submissive role in response.  The way this works is that his Dominance exposes her vulnerability through her loss of control, as long as his Dominance exceeds her Internal Locus of Control.  If she is humbled (by an attractive man) rather than disgusted (by a less-than-optimal man), it is intensely validating.  This switch triggers the FEAR Dynamic, leading to the Sexual Arousal part of the equation.

DS spelled out how this relates to women’s sexual arousal.

“This explains why vigorous dominant sex is typically highly preferred by women over slow so-called romantic sex. This is a feature, not a bug. Many of the dominant acts like slapping, choking, BDSM, and other things like this will often elicit a stronger sexual response, provided a woman is not triggered by previous negative experiences, such as a previous sexual assault. In fact, being possessed by a dominant man is often called very romantic by women, which is clear both in women’s porn and in practice in relationships and marriage. It seems many men were misinformed about what romance actually is.“

Christianity and Masculinity: Kingdom Rule – Putting it all together with hypergamy, dominance, respect, fear and womens’ sexual attraction and arousal (2025/6/28)

Ownership

DS’s post on Kingdom Rule brings out something I had missed.  Defilement implies Ownership (she is his, and no other), and this is a necessary and unique quality of Sanctification.

Ownership provides a feeling of being possessed = Surrender, or Relinquishment, as I wrote about before. It can also take the form of Commitment, determination (to see things through), hope, or loyalty, all apprehended through faith.

It is also the difference between Sanctified Sex (owned) and Defiling Sex (having no owner, or previously owned by another man who remains living).

As Dalrock aptly pointed out, our modern feminist culture believes that the feeling of love (i.e. being humbled by one’s desire) is what sanctifies marriage instead of the commitment and covenant of marriage. This leads to the elevation of validational sex as a prerequisite for marriage.

While this approach ‘works’ for women’s calculus in light of hypergamy (e.g. Tingle-charged hookups), as long as the Women’s fee fees are leading, Ownership is missing from Defilement, and it leads to hookups followed by debased, wife-dominated marriages, and/or frivorce, cats, and wine. The lack of ownership (or previous ownership in the case of Alpha Widows), is why women feel like they’re being forced, r@ped, violated, etc. when they are not attracted to their husbands.

Men require the elements of Commitment and Ownership (e.g. Male Headship) for love to transpire, so in a pure Christian Headship (or Peaceful Unity) marriage, there is none of this, because Ownership.

For men, ownership of a woman is demonstrated and/or obtained through…

  • Headship
  • Virginal Sex
  • Virile Masculinity
  • Developing his Dominion.
  • “Loving her” / capturing her love.
  • Exercising Boundaries / Maintaining Frame / Playful Married Game
  • His Sexual Authority over her desire, i.e., he is skilled in harnessing her sexual passions, and in guiding, leading, molding, and teaching her.

For women, ownership of a man is demonstrated and/or obtained through…

  • Respect
  • Obedience
  • Honeycraft
  • Submission
  • Servicing the marital covenant through regular sex on demand.
  • Her dedicating the sexual vitality of her youth to her husband, i.e. “Wife Goggles”.
  • Her Sexual Authority over his body, i.e. she is skilled in turning him on and getting him off.

There may be others I have missed. Readers are welcome to add to these lists.

So now we have a more complete conceptual model of the processes leading to Validation and Sanctification.

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