What you perceive is who you are.

Readership: All
Theme: Virtue
Length: 1,600 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes

Introduction

Everyone is a little bit nuts.

The reason why everyone is a little bit nuts is because we do not share the same values, beliefs, and purposes.  Worse yet, some people are out of touch with reality.  In other words, they are deluded [1].  Some people are more deluded than others, but when this is the majority of people, it doesn’t seem that nutty but rather ‘normal’.

As it turns out, the people who appear nuts are a little less nuts than the nuts who mindlessly believe what all the other nuts are saying.  It takes nuts to be nuts.

It gets more interesting when we realize that the nuttiness we see in others is actually a reflection of the nuttiness within ourselves.  We see ourselves in other people.  The way we interact with others is like looking at ourselves in a dark mirror (1 Corinthians 13:12).

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Here are a few general examples.

  • Pro-Choicers say Pro-Lifers don’t care about kids, while their motivation for saying so is to justify women’s right to abort.
  • A selfish person will believe that you are the one who is selfish, because you are unwilling to cater to their selfish interests.
  • Liberals are in the habit of condemning Trump, et al. as N@zis, Wh!te Supremacists, etc., even while they seek to shut down freedom of speech.
  • Women complain that men impose unrealistic beauty standards upon them, while the truth is that they dress to impress other women, even though men don’t like it. 
  • A greedy person resents extending the least bit of generosity towards others, and thereby causes others to treat them in a similar manner. As the attitude of greed rubs off onto others, the person comes to believe that everyone is stingy, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because of the foolish naivete that accompanies the Mirror effect, people will often treat others in a way that they want other people to treat them, thinking that others have the same desires and expectations that they do.

For example…

  • Men will be extra nice to a woman they are romantically attracted to, NOT because he is genuinely nice, but because he wants her to be nice to him and he falsely assumes that she also wants the same treatment.
  • Women will try to make great achievements in life thinking that this makes them a more desirable partner, but in fact, this is what she wants in a man, NOT what would make her more attractive to men.

And so on.

What is going on here, and what can we do about it?

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Psychological Projection

You might recall several people you have known who are always assuming the worst in others, and are always suspicious of others.  That says more about themselves than the person they are critical of.

You see, humans subconsciously presume that other people have the same thoughts, values, and motivations that they do, and are predisposed to believe these assumptions over real evidence.

This psychological phenomenon is termed Projection.

Psychological Projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions [2]. Rather than admitting to, or dealing with, the unwanted feelings, Psychological Projection attributes other people to be the source of the difficult, uncontrollable, or undesirable feelings or emotions. Thus, in the eyes of the Projector, the subjective experience of the outer world is colored with the Projector’s inner problems which the Projector refuses to face [3].

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Furthermore, people mistakenly believe that the traits they Project onto others, are really the true characteristics of others. People who are constantly dishing out a heavy dose of Projection are in a state of denial. They are denying that those thoughts and traits are truly their own, and NOT those of the person being addressed.

Thus, Projectors are subconsciously unwilling or unable to entertain the possibility that they are the ones who have the very same characteristics which they condemn others for. It is somehow easier for them to shift the blame onto everyone else and continue on in their delusional pathological ways, rather than to take responsibility for changing their own cognitive processes and system of beliefs [4].

Projection, as experienced from the Projector’s viewpoint, is called the Mirror Effect.*  As this word mirror implies, the things that come out of a person’s mouth indicate how that person views the world, and are therefore an expression of what lies within their heart.  The Mirror Effect is NOT an effect intended or created by others, but is merely a chimera perceived by the one Projecting. It is a hell of one’s own subconscious making.

Needless to say, a continued habit of Psychological Projection will invariably assassinate one’s social potential.

* Note: The Mirror Effect is not to be confused with the action of Mirroring (when one person subconsciously imitates the gestures, speech pattern, or attitude of another, as an expression of rapport), or the Mirror Stage (described by Dr. J. M. E. Lacan as the formation of the ego through the process of identification). These are all very different concepts.

Communication Dynamics

Let’s take a closer look at this phenomenon in terms of communication dynamics. The next image is offered as an illustrative guide to the text.

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You might remember a time when someone you knew suddenly turned cringe for no apparent reason, and then you spent the next few days not talking to each other.  For reasons unknown to you, that person became confused about your character and assumed the worst about you.  They jumped to the conclusion that you’re a bad egg, and so they won’t talk to you about it.

You might become confused about why they are treating you this way, wondering what you did wrong.  But in fact, it may not be because of anything you did or said.  They just have a darkened mind and are therefore prone to interpret things in a negative way.  They might even resort to lying, playing tricks, blame shifting, Gaslighting, etc. to keep you at a distance and make it impossible for you to deal with them, all in order to ‘protect’ themselves.  Worse, they might even go so far as to try to inflict revenge on you for a perceived slight, or resort to telling twisted stories that align with their maligned view of your persona.

Furthermore, when someone assumes “Bad Stuff” about you, no matter how well you may try to explain yourself, the person will still think that you’re just making excuses for your “Bad Stuff”.  They won’t listen to you.  They won’t learn or be taught.  They won’t trust.  So there’s very little you can do about your relationship.

There are many reasons why someone might be this way.  Maybe they’re too egotistically proud, or maybe they’re afraid to trust.  Maybe they had a childhood that taught them that love is treacherous and unsafe.  Maybe they’ve been surrounded by people who are overly critical and demanding.  Maybe they’re accustomed to being held responsible for things outside their control.  Maybe they were blamed and shamed for not living up to someone’s expectations [5].  Maybe something else.

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Conclusions

There are several useful applications of this knowledge. The first is to improve yourself, and the second is to assess others more accurately. These are discussed as follows.

A person would be wise to apply the Mirror Effect to one’s own edification by considering the unpleasant and negative images that one commonly attributes to others, and questioning whether the proliferation of such images might be the result of his own Psychological Projection.  If so, then a change of heart and mind is in order.

We would also be wise to gauge what proceeds out of the mouth of the people around us, with the awareness that it just might be an expression of Psychological Projection. It may reveal the issues they are unable to face and tell you what lies within their heart. However, it is typically useless to point this out to the person, because Projection occurs on the meta-conscious level. If the person sticks to their guns when being confronted about their Projective behavior, then it only creates an offense and fosters additional distrust and recalcitrance. However, if a very strong, intimate relationship of trust is well established, then a confrontation may prove to be more constructive. In such a case, if the person can hear the deeper message, and receive the truth that motivates the provocation, then you have won a brother (or sister).

Last but certainly not least, choosing to think “Good Stuff” about others increases trust and smooths one’s social interactions, leading to a better relationship and the enhancement of life.  Choosing to think “Bad Stuff” weighs heavy on the relationship and will break it apart after continued infractions.  So in general, it is better to give others the benefit of the doubt.  Only time will tell if you’re dealing with a thoroughly corrupted soul.

References

  1. PsycHacks: Most people are DELUSIONAL: the psychosis of everyday life (2023/4/27)
  2. Lifescript: Psychological Projection: Dealing With Undesirable Emotions
  3. F. Baumeister, F. Roy, K. Dale, K. L. Sommer, “Freudian Defense Mechanisms and Empirical Findings in Modern Social Psychology: Reaction Formation, Projection, Displacement, Undoing, Isolation, Sublimation, and Denial” Journal of Personality 66(6):1090–92 (1998). doi:10.1111/1467-6494.00043.
  4. S. Newman, K. J. Duff, R. F. Baumeister, “A new look at defensive projection: Thought suppression, accessibility, and biased person perception”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 72(5):980–1001 (1997). doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.5.980. PMID 9150580
  5. The School of Life: Our Longing to Avoid Love (2024/10/18)

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