Who you are may not be what you think you are.

Readership: All; Men; Single Men;
Theme: The Gift of Singleness
Length: 1,700 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes + 1 video (optional)

Intro

Thedeti wrote,

“Many people’s relationship to God is very poorly defined throughout their lives. People also do not understand, especially early on, that their identities come from God.

We too often believe our identities are from our parents, families, tribes, special interest groups, or activities. No, those are things we came from, belong to, or do; NOT who we are.

Too often, men and women seek each other out based on satisfying urges or on what others will think; and not based on their identities.

People would do much better if they accepted that their identities are from their Creator.”

This is a key idea for Christian Masculinity, perhaps THE Key Idea.

But I fear many readers will not latch onto these sage words from Thedeti, nor recognize what it is that he’s talking about.

So here I’ll recount my own story about this.  Readers are urged to reflect on this and hopefully arrive at a life-changing epiphany, if you haven’t already done so.

The Kingdom of God is Within You

20 Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; 21 nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’  For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.”

Luke 17:20-21 (NKJV)

In 2005, shortly after I came to Taiwan, there was a movie called The Kingdom of Heaven, starring Orlando Bloom and Liam Neeson.

One line in this movie has stuck with me over the years (appearing at 1:05 in the video clip above).

“Do you know what lies in the holy land?  A new world.  And there at the end of the world, you are not what you are born, but what you have it in yourself to be.“

Very oddly, I remember thinking this same thought, perhaps in different words, at certain moments in my life, long before this movie came out and before I came to Taiwan.  These moments happened to be times of great confusion and difficulty in my life.  Or maybe I just remember those moments when I think of this quote.  I cannot tell which.

Transformation

Anyway, I experienced what Neeson’s character said after I came to Taiwan.  In Taiwan, I was no longer what I was born to be, but what is within myself to be.  Likewise, I no longer lived the life I was born into, but a new life in which I was joyful to Live Free.

Just as Neeson’s character said about Jerusalem in the film, when I came to Taiwan, the identity that I’d known my whole life up until that point was instantly gone, and I found myself with another identity that was, in many ways, the opposite of my previous identity.

  • I used to be somewhat nerdy, reserved, and self-controlled.  But then I became a brash, funny, “crazy American”.
  • I used to be a homebody, preferring to stay at home and read or work on hobbies and projects.  But then I became a somebody, traveling, meeting people, giving speeches, and enjoying a modest amount of local fame.
  • I used to have trouble attracting girls.  But then I had girls approaching me on the street, asking for my number, and/or following me home from the train station.
  • I used to be a conscientious volcel.  But then I became somewhat of a player.
  • I used to be very religious.  But then I realized that I didn’t really know what I believed. I had to revisit and reaffirm all my beliefs one-by-one, and some changed.
img-1783678858-6a50c78abd8119.92899859.jpg

My new identity was also very poorly formed.  I had to work at developing this new identity.  Building the foundation took a couple years, and it was hard and messy.

I was really happy for the first two months that I was in Taiwan, but after that, Culture Shock set in, and it was Baaad!  I didn’t know who I was, or who I could trust.  I didn’t know how to act or what to say.  I felt confused, desperate, and lost.  But at the same time, I felt hopeful, joyful, and thankful.  I felt so spiritually alive in a way I had never experienced before.  I floundered for about two years before I was able to get my bearings.

When Things Come Together Naturally

I worked very hard to earn my Bachelor’s degree.  It took me 7 years; I failed a few courses, I transferred a couple times, I went into debt, and I almost didn’t finish.  Earning my Master of Science was easier in some ways (financial, social), harder in others (coursework, research, psychological, spiritual).  After that, I was so burned out on school that I gave up on the idea of ever earning another degree.  I wasn’t even sure I wanted to stay in engineering.

But after I came to Taiwan, I was invited to study for a Ph.D. under a noteworthy professor.  He got me a full scholarship and a stipend.  It was NOT something that I wanted to do for myself, but I had no reason to refuse.  During this time I also had regular employment as a lecturer.  I was making easy money.  I’m not saying that earning a Ph.D. was easy (it wasn’t), but I do feel like it was arranged by God.  It was NOT something I broke my @ss trying to accomplish (like I did with my Bachelor’s degree).  It just came to me, as if it were already mine to have, and all I had to do was just to say, “yes”, show up where I had to be, go through the motions, do the work, put in the time, and stick with it until it was finished.

The last 4 months before I graduated was a real trial though.  While holding down a full-time job, I had to work late at night and on weekends to finish up my research and write my thesis.  To make matters more difficult, my wife left me, took me to court a couple times, tried to get me in trouble with my employer, and made my life a living hell.  Plus, I had to take care of two very young daughters by myself.  I had to stick to a very rigorous and tight schedule for several months to make this work.  At one point, I realized that I needed help so that I could finish everything.  So I hired a babysitter and a house cleaner a few hours a week so that I could have more time to work on my thesis.  I was also thankful to have several friends and coworkers who helped out in various ways.

img-1783677646-6a50c2ce14f481.36533415.jpg

I wish I had experienced the same fortuitous blessings in my marriage that I did in my career, but it was not so.  Perhaps I was too Blue Pilled, too naïve about women, and too brokenhearted about my own parents’ divorce to do any better.  I also had a number of other detrimental issues that I wrote about before.

Shortly after I became a professor, I became a very popular teacher.  Students stayed long after class was over to talk with me. There were waiting lists to get into my courses.  My cumulative teacher’s rating is 4.7 out of 5 (over 20 years).

I’ve had thousands of students over the years.  Now, it is not uncommon to randomly pass them in public places.  I do not always remember them, but they remember me.

Students gave me an endearing nickname (which I won’t tell here).  When I mention this nickname in my introductions, people do not perceive it to be as arrogant as it sounds.  Instead, it sticks as authentic and adds to my notoriety.  Upon hearing it, others smile and refer to me by this name with respectful affection, even those who were never my student.  I am not ashamed to call myself by this name because, as I said above, it’s not something I sought for myself.  It was given to me by others, and ultimately from above.  Therefore, I can boast in all these things as St. Paul did in 2nd Corinthians 11:16-33.

Again, all this was NOT something that I sought after or even wanted for myself.  I just felt fed up with my life in America (e.g. family discord, entitled women, feminism, Pr!de stuff, materialism, stupid politics, high taxes and costs of living, etc.), and I wanted something different in life.  I also felt touched by a few Taiwanese people I had met in the U.S.  After I made that big step to come to Taiwan, everything else just came naturally.

Concluding Statements

I’ve come to believe that this is how life is (or should be) when we put ourselves where God wants us, and do what it is God wants us to do in life.

img-1783677312-6a50c1802cd323.32460758.jpg

I’m not saying that Taiwan is a magical place and/or that every guy should come here to ‘find God’.  I’m just saying that coming here is what I personally had to do to experience God in a fresh new way.  It’s more about stepping away from the old and the familiar, out of your comfort zone, and into the unknown — somewhere where you’ll be ejected from Autopilot Mode and be forced to trust and rely on God.  You’ll be amazed at what God can do with a man who places his life fully in His hands.

If you’re NOT experiencing this kind of life, then you need to step outside of your regular routine and give yourself some fresh opportunities.

If you feel fearful when the alarm goes off in the morning, and you’re dragging your feet and hanging your head as you trudge off to work, only to place yourself among constantly complaining, dishonest, and irresponsible coworkers who feel the same way about their own lives, all just to ‘survive’ another day, then you need to think about doing something else with your life — something completely different.

If you’re NOT discovering and building a new identity that is truly YOU (as opposed to whatever you were ‘born into’), someone who is loved, cherished, and celebrated by those around you, then you’ve yet to find all that God has in store for you.

It’s up to you to make that move.  Pray for God to lead you to and through the paths everlasting, no matter how challenging it may be.  Pray for God to do for you what you cannot do for yourself.  Pray for yourself to be who God made you to be (Philippians 3:12-14), and NOT what this world will most certainly mold you into with every tick of the second hand — unless you decide to do something different with your Life.

Related