An emptiness of the soul.
Readership: All
Theme: The Gift of Singleness
Length: 850 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes
Loneliness
Loneliness is a mysterious thing. Sometimes, we can be all alone, and yet be completely content in the undisturbed serenity of the moment. At other times, we can be in a crowd of people, or with a group of good friends, or in a relationship or even a marriage, and still feel intense loneliness.
Perhaps this is the reason why Loneliness is hard to identify. One can feel lonely and not be aware of it. Loneliness doesn’t tell you that you’re lonely. There’s no fear of NOT connecting with others. You may not even have any desire to see someone in particular or to interact with others in general. Instead, you’re only aware that you feel anxious, restless, and tense. You can’t stay focused. It’s difficult to get down to work. You can’t seem to make yourself do what you had set out to do for the day. You might have recurring thoughts of guilt, or regret, or self-doubt. “Is this all there is to life?” Satisfaction is elusive, even though you may have done a good job or have just finished an accomplishment. You might be aware enough to understand that you’re having another one of those days that drags out and is hard to get through, but still not realize that you are lonely.
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is the empty God-shaped hole in a man or woman’s heart.
Loneliness occurs when one is not experiencing enough of God’s presence on a daily basis. Too many days without God and/or meaningful human interaction, and loneliness begins to set in. If continued, this loneliness drives an individual to ever greater depths of depravity and self-destruction in an effort to assuage that nadir of emptiness.
More broadly, loneliness occurs when one is not fulfilling their God ordained purpose in life.
Loneliness also occurs when an individual is not able (or willing) to feed on the daily bread of human connection, love, and affection for an extended period of time. This time frame is different for everyone, and tends to decrease with age. For some, it could be 2 hours, while for others, 2 months. Over time, this hunger for love and affection gnaws away at the soul, as if to whisper, “This life is short and you’re wasting it away.”
How People Deal with Loneliness
People deal with loneliness in different ways.
The standard default cope for chronic loneliness is to be so occupied with other things that you don’t notice it.
Some people who are intensely lonely may become workaholics, or sleepaholics, or sexaholics, or churchaholics.
It is not uncommon for people who are intensely and perpetually lonely to cultivate some kind of addiction to divert the pain, whether it’s alcohol, p0rn, overeating, watching TV, binging on old films, gossiping … or maybe something harder or stiffer.
Young lonely women become OnlyF@ns nymphos who are ever writhing but never satiated. Older lonely women make love to their wine bottles and patronize a menagerie of furry critters.
The reason why some women just can’t live without a man is because they’d be as lonely as hell without one. Without that one man to rack herself upon day and night, her fragile heart would disintegrate into hopelessness and s1uttery, and she knows it.
For married women, the ever looming specter of loneliness puts the Dread into Dread Game. That same loneliness can also dupe more foolish wives to divorce their husbands and destroy their families, thinking that the next Ch@d might fill that hole in her loins heart.
Younger lonely men turn to gaming, or shooting p0rnography. Older lonely men might just pull the trigger.
Busyness
Busyness is an essential element of loneliness, because if one were to remain quiet and still for even a few moments, then one will hear the still small voice of the Lord crying out for that which is missing, and speaking of that which hurts most — the acute, painful awareness of their loneliness.
This is not to say that busyness is all cope. Busyness is healthy for the most part.
If a man has people to see, places to go, and things to do every day, that’s a healthy life. I encourage every man to get out of the house early in the morning and do something, even if it’s only a 15 minute walk around the neighborhood or a thoroughly detailed survey of his backyard. Personally, I enjoy taking a bicycle ride to the park. Once a week, I’ll ride my bicycle to a bakery that makes high-quality bread and buy some bread for the week. Twice a week, I’ll go to the gym. It is a good discipline to do something every day.
It’s those silent moments of the day (or night) that reveal to one’s conscience whether the day’s tasks have either been fruitful, or restful, or wasteful, or anesthetic.
In these moments of stillness, we must observe, seek God, learn, correct course, and try again the next day. With prayer and God’s grace, a lonely person can eventually get turned around in the right direction.
Related
- Σ Frame: The TLDR on Suffering (2023/3/10)
- Σ Frame (Oscar): The Importance of Family and Community (2023/10/29)
- Σ Frame: The Law of Motivation (2024/1/15)
- Σ Frame: How to be Happy, No, Really (2024/4/19)
- The Thinking Ape: Male Loneliness (2025/1/10)
