The false virtue of habitual politeness.

Readership: All
Targeted Readership: Men
Theme: Virtue
Author’s Note: This essay is based on an email exchange on 2022/12/17-18 with a reader who wishes to remain anonymous.
Length: 750 words
Reading Time: 4 minutes

A Nice Lie

Today, what we see is that being Nice is considered good, and that true GOODness requires behavior condemned as NOT NICE, and is therefore wrong.  As a result, we have too many NICE Christian men, and not enough GOOD Christian men.

The previous post stated that there is a difference between GOOD / KIND and NICE — a difference that the world will not see.

Here, I will go further to say the idea that Nice = Good or Nice = Kind or Nice = Christian behavior / Christian Love is a subtle LIE.

The Bible doesn’t say, “Be thou nice to thine adversary, and in like manner he shall be nice to thee.”

The Bible doesn’t say, “Be thou nice and thou shalt receive the desires of thine heart.”

There is not one single verse in the Bible that commands us to be NICE.  We are not even commanded to be good, as GOODNESS, KINDNESS, and GENTLENESS are Fruits of the Spirit — NOT fruits of being Nice to a fault.

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There are several products of this LIE:

  • The whole precept of “Thou shalt not judge”  has become a twisted interpretation of a verse.  The new heretical meaning is “Thou shalt not cause sinners to feel ashamed of themselves.”
  • Telling a girl who is fornicating that this will yield bad results is not NICE (as it hurts her feelings).
  • Telling a practicing h0m0sexual person that he is sinning is not NICE (as it hurts hiz feelings).

Biblically, we are not commanded to be Good or Nice, BUT we are called to be Good, NOT Nice.

Speaking the Truth in Love

Most of the time, correction is NOT pleasant, but it is always necessary when sin and self-deception are exposed, especially concerning those within our domain of influence.  It takes a brave man to confront sin regardless of the consequential kickback.  But if the recipients are honorable and worthy, they’ll swallow their pride and accept a word of truth or a kind but painful gesture despite its subjective offense.

The same is true in a marriage.  A husband needs to have a firm Christian Detachment to confront his wife’s sinful behavior regardless of how she FEELS about it. We need more brave husbands in this respect — a man who is NOT subservient to his wife’s feelings. We also need wives who are willing to be corrected according to the truth.

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If a man is tiptoeing around a woman’s emotions, always placating her, then he is being NICE, NOT Good! A woman who is always insisting that her solipsistic self-deceptions are her own subjective truths is fostering the formation of Nice Guys. Doing so inadvertently makes HER the head of the relationship, as it is HER emotions that are dictating HIS actions. A woman can sense that and it is a big turnoff for Good women!

The church needs to teach HEADSHIP in establishing true GOODNESS and authentic KINDNESS — NOT nincompoop Niceness — NOT in being sensitive to women’s feelings.  Men are already all too familiar with this nonsense to their own detriment.

Epilogue

When it comes to sharing our faith and/or exercising Headship authority, we need to be discerning about speaking the truth in love.  Speaking the truth in love does NOT necessarily mean speaking the truth NICELY. It requires using God given wisdom to present the truth in such a way that it is best received by the listener.

In the Bible…

  • When Jesus addressed the common folk, He spoke in parables.
  • When Jesus spoke to women, He appealed to their emotions and intuitions.
  • When Jesus spoke to Nicodemus, a learned official of the Jewish law, He talked about being born again.

The message of truth never changes; just the methodology changes depending on the audience.

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Of course, it helps to remember that we need to first have genuine authority over others before we can expect our words to be appreciated by them.

And if the listener is a woman, it bodes well to be aware she is PRIMARILY emotional and resistant to hearing hard truths.

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