Self-Control fosters openness and trust which can then lead to folly.

Readership: All
Targeted Readership: Single Men and Women; Mentors of Singles;
Theme: Boundaries; Moral Agency; Virtue; Virtue in Relationships;
Length: 900 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Intro

As I described in the previous post, Self-Control is the ability to know what behavior is fitting and proper for a given context and the demonstrated ability to act in that way.

I used to think that women who possess a lot of Self-Control were more likely to be chaste and virtuous — simply because they have more Self-Control, right? But also because Self-Control is named as a fruit of the Spirit in contrast to sexual immorality (Galatians 5:19-24).  But as I’ve grown older, wiser, and more discerning, I’ve found that this presumed correlation is simply not true.  Self-Control doesn’t necessarily translate into sexual purity. In fact, Self-Control actually creates social situations in which purity is more likely to be casually discarded (as I’ll explain below). It can also be used to deceive, as well as to enact other, more nefarious stratagems (as I described in the previous post and more below).

This post and the next will examine how this phenomenon works.

Self-Control Fosters Liberty

Self-Control is named as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-26, along with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness. These traits enable greater liberty (Romans 8:2). All of these traits are good for men, but are doubly attractive in women.

Although Self-Control is a fruit of the Spirit, and a good and greatly advantageous trait to have, it is no seal of righteousness either. Liberties can be abused (Galatians 5:13-14). Self-Control can be used deceptively, both intentionally and unintentionally.

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So how does this work?

Those who are able to consistently exercise Self-Control always seem to do and say the right things at the right times, and behave in a way that is charming, confident, fitting, smooth, and responsive (which is right). As a result, these individuals are better able to hide their flaws and showcase the positive aspects of their personality, and thus generate a more dynamic social impact.

In effect, those who are disciplined in their Self-Control are able to elicit increased trust from others, and effectively lull them into relaxing their own Self-Control. Ironic, but true.

Others who are inspired by the Self-Controlled person will find it easy to like or even ‘love’ such a person and will desire more interaction and/or intimacy with him/her. They will drop their guard in their pursuit of affirmation and validation, and they will NOT have the mind to protect themselves or resist temptation. In fact, temptation will be magnified because it will be regarded as true authenticity or even ‘love’ in some cases, and NOT a temptation. This confusion is further compounded when the interaction really does constitute genuine Christian love, which is one of the reasons why we are to practice Self-Control in the first place (Galatians 5:13).

If such experiences are more common than not (as it usually is for Self-Controlled believers), then it is more likely that the sinful nature will manifest itself given the opportunity. This is exactly why Christians are often seen as hedonists, a phenomenon we’ve described before.

The Self-Deception of Self-Control

In addition to deceiving others, one can also deceive one’s self. Let me explain.

Self-Control becomes self-deceptive when one becomes overconfident in these charms and feels entitled to dabble more loosely in the resultant social liberties. Boundaries are relaxed leading to a greater probability that boundaries will be compromised and crossed. All the while, the person continues to believe they are in control of themselves and the situation, even though they’re inching ever closer to compromising their already risky standing (1 Corinthians 10:12).

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Add alcohol, groovy tunage, and a casual, fun, party atmosphere to any formal social setting (in which desire is glorified and Self-Control is expected), and those inhibitions will be dropped even more. If there are no parents or supervisors to invigilate the event, then just about anything can happen.

Add to this the fact that people are devoutly hoping and intentionally seeking to have such experiences, and you’ve got an indelible powderkeg. (Think of how excited girls become when they go to the prom, and how crazy they behave at the afterprom.) Worse, young people who are high on the liberties of Self-Control may or may not know what they’re doing with those liberties or how they arouse or impact others. If asked, they’ll say, “I was just doing my own thing and having a good time, and it just happened!“

This is exactly how teenage girls lose their virginity and/or get impregnated by a guy they met at a formal dance or party, e.g. the prom. This is exactly how players and PUAs weasel their way into women’s wombs (assuming they were not ‘easy’ to begin with). This is exactly how women use feminine charms and sex to hoodwink a man into marriage.

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