Some men have ‘IT’ within themselves to die breeding, others don’t.

Readership: All; Men; Single Men; Pastors; Mentors;
Theme: The Gift of Singleness; Overcoming Challenges;
Author’s Note: Some contents of this post are based on comments under previous posts.  Links to the original comments are embedded in the initial words.
Length: 1,700 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes

Foreword

Commenters Joe2 and SurfDumb introduced some pertinent insights about the modern ‘plight’ of singleness.  Their ideas have since been mentioned several times in many comments and a few posts (listed below under Related, post 2024).  The last post examined Joe2’s idea, while this one ponders SurfDumb’s observation and ties it all together.

The SMP Stalemate

Today’s SMP/MMP is very VERY selective, hastening future social collapse in some areas.*  The selection by women is so stiff limp and unforgiving now, that even men with opportunities are choosing to opt out.  As Joe2, Surfdumb, Thedeti, et al. have pointed out, women are such pompous persnickety princesses that no matter how well set up you are, no matter how high up the SMV ladder you are, no matter how many women are available to you, the juice STILL isn’t worth the squeeze.

Moreover, the choice of being selected is beginning to fall back on men, and we see that some men who are ‘chosen’** are choosing NOT to be chosen. 

* Fertility is well below replacement rate in East Asia, Europe, and North America.  For example, TFR (2022): Hong Kong (0.7-0.8), South Korea (0.78-0.9), Taiwan (0.87), Singapore (1.1), China (1.2), Italy (1.24), Japan (1.3), Thailand (1.32), Vermont (1.35), Germany (1.46), U.K. (1.57), U.S. (1.66), France (1.79), Vietnam (1.94), India (2.01).
** The meaning of ‘chosen’ is open to interpretation.  It could mean “chosen by women” for sex and/or marriage, or it could mean “chosen by God” for fathering future generations.

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SurfDumb’s Observation

In regard to the present conditions, SurfDumb wrote (edited and rearranged for reading),

“[When I was growing up,] The men in my neighborhood were home for dinner, relaxed in the evenings; they weren’t rebuilding cars or lifting twice their weight in their free-time.  (I mention a car because my Dad had a 32 Ford coupe but didn’t have time for it and sold it.)  They all had 50 to 70-year marriages.  [There was only] One divorce on the block, a dentist that looked every bit the 1970s swinger.

It seems like that [kind of marital life] isn’t available [to young men anymore] because … much more is needed now (at least in potential) to meet the bar of a Christian husband.  (Granted, that’s only my impression.)  Why can’t a dude grow in the Lord, and that be enough?”

“If a reader thinks to himself, “I don’t plan on trying to be a church leader, dead-lift twice my body weight, be a sex dynamo, move for job advancement or church but will be a Mary and pray regularly, help where / when needed, stay in shape, save, enjoy friends…”, then I think a logical conclusion would be “maybe that man shouldn’t get married then.”  If that lack of drive is evidence of singleness, then that is good to know, especially if it’s godly wisdom.  Otherwise, it’s a crab-bucket situation, per Oscar’s useful word-picture.

[This is] not an attack on [those men who DO do the work to achieve and/or improve themselves, or] believers either, for having 5 or 10 talents, and doubling them for the Lord.  However, I don’t see from my experience or from my biblical understanding that PSALMing-up is what the Bible calls for most men to strive for, or what’s needed to be a good husband. But it could mean such lack of ambition, in many cases (LocustsPlease is a good example of the exception), does mean a Gift of Singleness because it means a man who isn’t eager to claw and climb doesn’t have “enough” intrinsic desire for women.”

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“[For the average man who doesn’t have this drive,] Deti’s answer actually makes the most sense: 80% of men are invisible and a good marriage isn’t likely currently.”

“There is some connection to big doings and what the lack of it means that I am not explaining well. It’s as if the real lesson at Σ Frame is that if you don’t have an extraordinary ability, then this site isn’t for you. It’s that “not for you” aspect that is tied to The Gift of Celibacy / Singleness in my mind.”

Reframing The Issue

SurfDumb attempted to identify The Gift of Singleness in terms of a lack of something, e.g. personal ambitions, a (natural) drive to compete and excel, an intrinsic desire for women, perceived SMV, etc.  But let’s not be disrespectful to these men by assuming that they are single because they’re incomplete or missing something.  (That’s a femcentric estimation of men, BTW.  Also, I don’t believe SurfDumb intended any disrespect, but I do think some readers could take it that way.)  Instead, it is better to say that these men have been graced with the Gift of being able to find sanctisfaction without having to wrangle with all the troubles of the flesh that necessitate taking The Red Pill.  (This was one of the main points of the previous post.)

In the previous post, I posed the question, “How can men who have NEITHER The Gift of Celibacy (able to find sanctification through abstaining) NOR The Gift of Singleness (able to avoid trouble in the flesh) get out of this rut in the present SMP/MMP?”  But this approach assumes that sanctification is only possible by finding a ‘solution’ to the present mating conundrum (which has not been found, despite years of Red Pill contemplations).

There is another possibility which we deplore considering.  What if it is God’s will … NOT for men to escape this crucible, but to go THROUGH it?

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Tomb Refugee said,

“Those who are committed to serving the Lord will find that He provides. When He does not, it is because He wants us to endure without.”

Half the battle is in recognizing one’s limitations early in life and accepting them, because this indicates where God’s grace is at work in one’s life. Ironically, it gets doable when you realize that there’s only so much you can do and the rest is up to God. It’s actually life-changing.

Something to think about.

A New Question

So let’s turn the question around.

For those men who have NEITHER The Gift of Celibacy NOR The Gift of Singleness, what DO they have?

Let’s consider the idea that these men have something ‘extra’, something which I’ll call The ‘IT’ Factor for the time being.

Here is where we begin to see some possibilities, some damning, some redeeming, some mentioned before.

  • T levels that break the meter.
  • Personal ambitions, for good or ill.
  • A (natural) drive to compete and excel.
  • A fervid desperation for poking P00nani.
  • Too confused about themselves to know how to function.
  • An intrinsic robust desire for women / a wife / children / family.
  • Having the bravery (or foolhardiness) of being open to a woman’s influence.
  • Too lost or weak to pull themselves together without a woman’s help or influence.

Readers are invited to add to this list.

More, why would God want them to endure life without these Gifts?  What is the cosmic purpose?

All of the above are human / fleshly factors.  But from a spiritual perspective, I think there must be a reason why God did NOT give the Gifts of Celibacy / Singleness to certain men, and I’ll guess it’s because He intends for these men to fight and strive, and/or to procreate, in spite of the present circumstances.  There can be no glory without peril and struggle.  I’m sure there’s more, but only God knows what.

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The ‘IT’ Factor may provide an answer to these questions.

The ‘IT’ Factor

Suppose there is an ‘IT’ factor that is present in those men who are being ‘chosen’ for marriage and/or procreation, and who are also choosing or willing to be ‘chosen’.

So what is the ‘IT’ Factor that would set a man apart from inheriting the blessed peace of singleness?

Obviously, ‘IT’ has something to do with a man’s sexual constitution and/or his spiritual disposition.  But also, ‘IT’ is that hard core kernel of spaznutz within a stricken man that drives him to disregard the immense risks of playing a game that is adversely stacked against him, namely, pursuing a woman in a thoroughly debased SMP and taking a wife and/or fathering children.  They’re literally dying to breed.

Red Pill lore would suggest that this ‘IT’ factor would include things like Charisma / Rizz, Confidence, Game, Height, Looks, Athleticism, Money, Power, Status, or some special brew of these traits.  But what we are seeing now is that the mating match up is no longer so cut and dried along these lines as before.

Yes, these things do factor in as qualifications.  “You must be this tall to ride.”  We do see that those men who have these qualities continue to be outstanding contestants in the mating game.  But now, it is not just those men who are confident, or handsome, or Game saavy, or wealthy, or set up well in terms of social influence and status, or what have you, who are still in the mating game.  A lot of these men are opting out.  They don’t have ‘IT’ within themselves to risk lifelong hardship and certain loss just for the hell of it.

Within those men who embark on the hard road simply because it is hard, or else, wander through a convoluted detour if they find the way is blocked, or haunted by savage demons, their intrinsic ‘IT’ factor comes into play and motivates them to sally forth.  Like men who bravely march off to face a certain grisly death in battle, these men see marriage as a masochistic male version of YOLO and rush in where angels fear to tread, fiercely shouting “Geronimo!”

Not for the faint of heart.

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