I see a lot of people recommend OLD on this sub. What are your thoughts on OLD?
I tried online dating for the first time in 2013-- I went on a few dates and almost got date raped. OLD probably wasn't too terrible in 2013, but I was young, inexperienced and dating in NYC. I'm just glad that I didn't get hurt. After that, I was too afraid to use OLD again for 5 years.
I didn't try online dating again until 2018. I was older and had a better screening process, and was able to avoid fuckboys, but I underestimated how crazy and desperate men are/were. It's easy enough to avoid fuckboys or men with little patience, but I found that OLD had a lot of mentally ill or personality disordered men. I went on 20-something first dates, less than 6-7 2nd dates, and no 3rd dates. All of this in under 2 months, before I quit. None of these guys made it to date 3. I started to fear the possibility, of finding someone who could manipulate me until date 20 or year 2. Most men's manipulation methods are very dumb and predictable, but there are some really psycho men out there who have patience.
Taking a long to sleep with men protects you from liberal men who think women are public property, but it does not protect you from conservative men who think women are private property. It does not protect you from really crazy, patient men who have the intention of controlling and abusing you in the long-term. There is no real way to verify the identity of any person you meet online, without doing a background check, perhaps without hiring a PI. You don't know anyone they know, they can be anyone or anything.
I just don't think there is a safe or efficient way for women to use OLD. There is a huge pool, but the pool is radioactive garbage for the most part. The few good candidates on there-- are they what they seem? I also think OLD changes people's psychology and perception. We start to see the sociopathic behavior of OLD as normal, when it's not.
You seriously have to be a FDS master to navigate OLD successfully. Even then, no success (on any level) is guaranteed. You'd have to find a guy who just signed up to OLD, who is actually really single, not just out of a relationship, emotionally available, emotionally healthy.
I think women underestimate their intuition. In person, your lizard brain can make judgements about a man, that are just not possible when you are communicating through a screen. So much nuance is lost when you are using OLD. I went on 20-something first dates for example, but I honestly would not have gone on a first date with even half of those men, if I saw them in person. It's not because they were catfishing-- but just something in their body language, eye contact, how they speak-- that was completely lost until I met them. I think OLD also normalizes women feeling uncomfortable and nervous in the presence of men. Since it is an inherently uncomfortable thing, to meet strange men off the internet. So you start to subconsciously think it's normal that you should feel unsure of yourself when you meet men.
OLD seems really dangerous to me. The only part of it that is less dangerous than meeting men in real life, is rejecting them without consequence or fear. You can just block them. You can't do that in real life. But in every other way, OLD seems really dangerous and basically not worth the level of mental and emotional effort that is required.
I know I am biased, because of my early experience with OLD. I never really got over that, and I was actually angry and disappointed with myself, felt dirty, after going on 20-something dates-- because I felt easily 1/4 of these men would also date rape me if they had the chance and there were no consequences.
I met my fiancee in real life, and I feel validated that "real life" is better, even though on a rational level, I know that men in real life are also garbage and that it's possible for women to find good partners on OLD, however unlikely it may be.
