I've been reading FDS for months, and this sub helped me more than any therapist I involved into my past people pleaser mindset, not only relationship-wise, but all over my life. You all deserved my subscription to Reddit for a thankful message.

No is a complete sentence, and I'm never going to put my necessities after someone else's ever again, not just for the fear of them being disappointed. If they get upset at me and leave, it was probably not worth it.

This still takes gut and work on my part, I feel like I'm doing some forbidden crime, I swear, but I feel that it's the right thing to do and it's working wonders, both productivity and perceived self worth wise.

My self hating past behavior comes from an abusive family with a NV narc father, that threw my self esteem under the bus and just terrified me into tiptoeing with my words around him just for the sake of him not getting angry or physically threatening. I'm NC with him since early 2019, but recovery is long and he definitely badly affected my life at least for the first 20 years.