Hmmmmm....

A bit of backstory is needed to explain her mentality. Her father ran an extremely successful construction business that his father left to him in a large city. He regularly was winning multi million dollar construction bids and once he asked his now wife my fiance's mother to marry him he told her to quit her job and that she wasn't going to work anymore.

Now to us, I'm 28, she is 26 and we have been dating for about 3.5 years now. We both have student loan debt up to our eyes and the only reason we have a house is because her father gave her one about 2 years ago. There is no way we could afford a house right now (yay student loan debt and various credit card debt we both have.)

Her family is wealthy and her father is great but he also believes in making your own way, I respect that and am super grateful for what he has done so far with the house and bailing us out a few times when things got pretty bad.

So now to us, I proposed to her 2 months ago and it all was great. Both families like each other and we all get along great. However.. last week my wife to be told me she put in her two weeks notice and is extremely happy to finally be a wife and not work anymore... Uhh what? We had our first major fight right there because we NEED her income to survive especially if we are going to have a kid in a year or so like we plan to.

I'm not on a position like her father was to fully support a family on my income alone, not to mention her debt piled on top of mine. Also if she never planned to use her degree once she got married why did she take all the loans? I also found out she would have ZERO student loan debt if she went to what her father calls a "real school". She went to a local state college because her boyfriend at the time was going to go there even though she was accepted at other schools.

Now I'm not going to argue her Dad's an ass to pay for college at one school and not the other or blame her for wanting to be by a boyfriend at the time and taking student loans to go be by him. That's the past and when you think you are in love or are in love you do some stupid things sometimes.

However I cannot marry her if she honestly just won't work now that she's a wife. I get that it's her mother's kind of fairy tale that happened to her but I'm not wealthy enough to do that. We talked about doing that for 3-4 years once we have a kid because I do believe that a child should always have one parent around and not just daycare/babysitters because daycare is extremely expensive. Then once our kid gets into Pre-K she would return to work part time then full-time once school actually starts.

Now apparently that plan we had is moot and her new plan is to never work again because I popped the question. Not cool and her mom is FULLY behind her decision, the Dad is way more level headed and took me out to drink and told me there will be no bad feelings if I back out because I shouldn't be expected to do that unless I'm in a financial position to do so.

AITA if I give her an ultimatum to work or not get married? I also don't want to get married on the back of an ultimatum, I just don't see that being healthy either.