Thought I'd throw together a list of common traits that I've noticed most members of the BBDB [Bitter Bull Dyke Brigade] seem to possess or trends they tend to adhere to. Feel free to add more if you like. Mostly wrote this up for a laugh.
Bright red to dark red lipstick, that makes it appear like she just blew Bozo the Clown. Alternatively, sometimes black lipstick can make an appearance as well. This just has the exception of making it look like she went down on Dracula.
Thick-framed non-prescription 'problem glasses' which enable her to see all of the hidden injustice in the world. Non-prescription of course, and sometimes they don't even have lenses in them as she just wears them to make her appear intelligent. The stupidity issuing forth from her mouth should remove all doubt as to her true character.
Shaved sides or back of her head, often times with designs shaved into it. Occasionally an entire side of the head is shaved, and sometimes, the entire head as well. This tells you that she has given up all pretense of appearing attractive to men, due to the fact that she looks like a cellulite-engorged sack of cottage cheese. Possible daddy issues.
Unnatural hair color. More look-at-me fuel. The brighter and garish the color, the more hopeless she is. Common shades are: Ronald McDonald red, Cookie Monster blue, Incredible Hulk's pubic region green, and California Raisin purple. Sometimes multiple colors are present.
She looks like she's got Chewbacca in a headlock due to the jungle of armpit hair sprouting from under her arms. Sometimes they will also dye this hair, because nothing says well-adjusted productive person like colored body hair.
On the off-chance that you might encounter one of these loathsome creatures bottomless, you will find a jungle of pubic hair. More Bush than a Texas statehouse. It'll look like you're staring at the back of Bigfoot's head as he goes down on her. Of course, you will only see this sickening display if her front-butt and FUPA allow it. [More on those later.] This body hair is sometimes dyed as well.
Her legs look like the chest of an Italian man. She claims to grow this 'legbeard', the source of the name for the group, as a political statement of not adhering to society's standards of human beauty, however, the actual story is that she's just too fucking lazy and/or too fat to shave them.
Acne is very common, as well as a general 'greasy' appearance to facial skin. This is not your garden variety acne, however. This is acne caused when someone falls asleep on a slice of pizza that fell on their couch, which they were gorging whilst watching the latest VICE video or reading HuffPo.
The stature of these strange creatures might baffle you at first. You may wonder, how exactly does a person become a perfect circle in body-shape? You might also wonder, how does she wipe her ass without assistance? Is it possible to scrub all of those folds clean? What the fuck is that smell? You may ask yourself all of these questions and more, but I must confess, my research has not managed to penetrate that far into their methods. My best guess is a woeful lack of responsibility and an absolute dearth of self-control. Perhaps as a result of a coping mechanism. They will, in almost every instance, possess a FUPA [a fat upper pubic area] or even a front-butt [looks like they got an ass on they stomach] which may make you wonder how reproduction is possible for these creatures. The mystery remains, as no man has been willing to volunteer to take one for the team in this regard.
They will often ensconce themselves in spandex at every opportunity. Whether or not they should is not a question these creatures seem to be concerned with, unfortunately for the rest of us. Be aware that should you see something moving as though it's a black garbage bag full of fat rats, you may merely be walking behind a legbeard.
Gauges and various other body modifications. I have not, in my research, ascertained a reason for this. Perhaps due to the FUPA and front-butt phenomena described above, they attempt to stretch the earlobes for the purposes of intercourse. We may never know for certain.
Septum piercings, which give a whole new meaning to 'bull'-dyke as these resemble rings pierced through the septum of cattle which are used to control the animals. Herding these creatures has proven difficult, however, unless large quantities of cake are involved. Rest assured, should you see a female with one of these or other chunks of metal in her face, 85% of the time her BMI will be higher than her IQ score.
If you doubt any of these are a red flag, simply listen for the characteristic calls of the species. They are unlike any other sound found in nature. They seem to call in anger, almost. Sounds like "Muh soggy knee" and "Peach-reeeee-archy" are quite common.
The most common habitat of the modern legbeard is the college campus. They can also be found at Starbucks, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Walmart, any place selling cat food or fake penises, or in the street toting signs and screaming as they block traffic and impede other people. As their numbers are so great, they are an unprotected species. Their Conservation Status is therefore, of Least Concern. Furthermore, if you wish to avoid these often times threatening creatures, simply go to a gym. The sound of grunting and weight hitting the floor seems to scare them away.
If you should be approached or otherwise threatened by these creatures, it is recommended that you make as much noise as possible. Shouting "BEGONE T H O T" is often ineffective, however. It is recommended that you turn and walk at a brisk pace away from the creature, as any pace above lumbering or shuffling is too difficult for the creature to maintain.
This concludes my field report. I hope that you will all find this information helpful and concise, and humorous.
there doesn't seem to be anything here