A lot of my depression is a product of trying to figure out the world. Trying to figure out how it works. There are so many problems, answers, chutes, ladders, predators and prey. There are so many predatory people out there and even more prey. I try to make my best effort to not become prey while still avoiding there of being predatory and still abiding by some sort of morally positive compass.

There is so much negativity in this world that you'll never be able to really escape every trap set for you. Every ideology may be a potential death trap or a haven. You'll never know until you're looking back on your actions.

The levels deceit and negative shit in contemporary western culture is almost four dimensional and infinite. Its pure chaos and inversion of every notion. No rights. No wrongs. Yet there still are rights and wrongs.

0 degrees kelvin is the point at which electrons cease movement in their orbits around their nuclei. Whats under zero Kelvin? Temperatures that are infinitely hot. And inversely when electrons reach the speed of light in their orbits, they occupy all possible orbital points and revert to Absolute zero.

Temperature is a loop rather than linear. (Theoretically anyway)

So what if human morality isn't linear? What if everything is chaos and totally meaningless in the first place?

But out of chaos you still try and find order and meaning and direction.

The most difficult thing I find myself trying to do is accepting the fact that we live in total chaos and letting go of the depression caused from trying to figure people out.

If we live in chaos, then nothing matters, but again, like temperature and infinity and absolute chaos, when nothing exists, everything exists. There is an answer. And there isn't.

This is the shit that drives me nuts.

/End psychobabble rant.