She's a wonderful human being. We've been together for about 3 months, nothing too serious yet, we're just testing the waters. She's a great communicator and has good boundaries. I've never seen her upset became she deals with her emotions in a very quiet manner. We were watching Black Mirror on Netflix and the first episode of the new season popped up which prompted the conversation because she got visibly distraught.
Her ex boyfriend was a year older and had some mental health problems. Not that it's an excuse, I just believe lack of management and medication most likely contributed to his outbursts of anger. She was with him for about two and a half years before packing her bags one day and going absolutely off the grid. She told me she spent first two weeks holed up in her flat too scared to go out (small town). He harassed her every friend that he could get a hold of but she warned them all. She said he was an emotional manipulator and terrorist.
We clicked well sexually, initially I thought she was very vanilla, she didn't do doggy style and orgasmed only about 1/3 of the time we had sex, washed obsessively when I talked about giving her oral sex, there was a stark contrast between her general straightforward and confident outer persona and her shy, insecure sexual self. I probed gently a got a something that could only equate to a horror story. I'm not going to go into details, but it's fair to say her ex boyfriend treated her like she was a gonzo porn actress. If she didn't orgasm (or fake it), he would deny her sex. If she requested oral sex, she was to shave everything perfectly, be washed not longer than fifteen minutes before his face got in her crotch. If she got "too wet", she was to "make it dry" or risk being insulted. They had a DB (ex was the low libido) mainly because he refused to initiate, put any work into her pleasure and would laugh at her flirting and trying to be sexually appealing, but of she'd stop pursuing him, he would accuse her of cheating. I've seen three separate texting conversations from ages ago that support her words. It looked like he got some sick satisfaction out of berating her for pursuit, denying her and then berating her for stopping pursuit.
She says she would like to become sexually healthy again but has no clue what is normal and what is not. She told me she hooked up with a guy from the bar a month after dumping the asshole and was shocked when he willingly went down on her sweaty unshaven crotch.
After this talk, I've found out she's actually quite kinky and is into a large variety of things. I think she, like many other women, need to feel safe before letting themselves show that side. I would like to hear some input from the experienced members of this sub, how can I support her in the journey of healing?
Obligatory, this is a throwaway account as many real-life people know my real Reddit.
there doesn't seem to be anything here