I've come to believe self-trust is more important than self-esteem, or even self-compassion.

In my view, self-trust is about understanding your capabilities, your tolerances, and ultimately your ability to bring yourself back to a stable, safe, happy emotional state.

It's about knowing your ability to identify and act on things that are bothering you. It's knowing that while you may never be perfect, while there may be times you're going to get your ego bruised, the bottom line is that you conduct yourself in such a way that satisfies your sense of self.

This is why integrity matters. It's why discipline matters. Every time you let yourself down, a little bit of self-trust is lost. You introduce self-doubt, and your life slips a little bit further out of your control.

Several philosophies try to address this problem from different angles. Buddhism will teach you that desire is the root of all suffering and that your ego is something to be tamed, if not eliminated. The Stoics encouraged you to envision the worst so as to emotionally guard yourself against the consequences, to eradicate fear by familiarity.

I take another view. I say self-trust must be based in realism. Your limits have to be continually sought out, you need to run up to the brink of failure to know exactly where you stand. I think self-trust is in experience and knowledge of who you are.

It's in your ability to set yourself a goal and achieve it. You build self-trust by working for yourself. Occasionally you give into vices. Sometimes plans change. But do you trust yourself to lead a good life?

There's a reason self-improvement doesn't just bring about benefits in the future, it also satisfies an urge within you right now, the one that demands that you are able to look in the mirror and see a competent, whole, self-reliant being looking back at you.

Confidence is a tainted word, too mixed up with acting and braggadocio. Self-love and self-compassion, for me, blurred into self-coddling and self-pity. What I value most now is self-trust. I trust myself to handle failure, to be smart, to take care of my needs, to stay in shape, to be moral, to strive for the best, and to conduct myself in a way that satisfies my sense of self.