When I was still a blue piller, the worst feeling was not being alone, it was being forgotten by someone you could not forget.

"You will forever be the blood, that courses through my veins; and to you I'll be the chalk, scrawled on the sidewalk, forgotten when it rains"

Back when I first fell for her, I had nothing. I sat next to her in econ class, watching as the econ grad student put down Lagrangians on the chalkboard, those multilayered, multi-paneled chalkboards that you could slide vertically back and forth. He would finish one board, then slide it up, and pull down the next one, and I would try to keep up on my notebook. I would fail.

She sat next to me playing games on her laptop that she always complained about because the battery would die in 10 seconds if the plug was pulled. She never took notes. I thought she didn't give a shit about the class until I realized she set the curve on the first midterm. She was a genius prodigy girl, with math/physics/chem as her electives.

She taught me how to feel stupid. She always wanted a man more capable than her. Which pains me. But I still trusted her. Because she was the one girl that I thought understood and liked me when I had nothing, so she was the one girl I could trust once I had everything.

I was foolish and maybe that's why I liked her. At some point, society told me that I will all be able to marry an attractive woman, even there is very little evidence that most attractive women are interested in me. We all get it in our brains at some point that there is a someone for everyone. Then we get disappointed when dating turns out to be different.

In this state of mind, most men lose hope. They can't cope with the fact that they had that kind of effect on women. Eventually, by sheer luck, the man reads MGTOW and he realizes that his oneitis is not the one that got way, he is the one that got way because he is the prize.

The worst feeling is not being alone, it is to end up with people who make you feel alone.