I am 35 years old, and an extremely recent RPW.

Seven years ago, I married an extremely amazing man. He was passionate, powerful, handsome, self-assured, and intelligent. We loved each other a lot. We had a beautiful honeymoon year, a tiny, but love-filled and well-decorated and well-managed apartment, and a lot of dreams. We disagreed over things that, were I in that position now, I would have deferred to him without such a fuss: I wanted kids fairly early, he wanted to wait; I wanted to move to Manhattan, he was happier in Brooklyn; I was a pescatarian, he loved steak…you get the drill. But we loved each other, and were completely happy, even if we were both self-proclaimed feminists (gasp!). But we were young and in love. Nothing else seemed to matter.

Three years after our wedding, my husband was involved in a terrible car accident. The next day he died of his injuries.

It took me a long time to feel “normal” again. Times were hard—emotionally, personally, financially. I learned I was about 4 weeks pregnant but had a miscarriage, something that I perceived, with much guilt, as a sad blessing. Over time I began to heal, though, I guess you could say.

I focussed very intensely on my career. I transitioned into a more lucrative area of my consulting career, and made quite a bit of money. I began travelling, and even had enough to take six months “off” where I travelled around the US and Canada. Last year, I spent in China for my company, and am now back in the US.

I never realised how lonely I was — weird, isn’t it? — but I didn’t. Not till I got back. I never thought I’d want to marry, or even date again. But it snuck up on me, as things do. Maybe it was because my sister got pregnant. Maybe it was because my body realised it had exactly 43 excellent eggs left. Maybe it just wasn't "time" for me to move on. I can't say.

I’ve gone out with several men in the past year or so. One date I even posted on RPW for advice on, a date for which I got a chance to “practise” my new RPW-ness and it was fun while it lasted and we had a nice good night kiss before he tried to plate me. But instead of going to bed with him, which I wanted to so badly (it's been YEARS, ladies!), I said good night and wished him well and that was the end of that.

I find myself reading here very regularly. I identify so much with the ideals here. I’m embracing my femininity. I’m learning to receive, and be receptive. I read ‘The Surrendered Single’ twice. I feel, often, full of hope. And, though I've ignored it until recently, I have always gotten a lot of attention from men — I’m fit, attractive, upbeat, and could easily pass for several years younger than I am (I know: everyone says that, but it’s true! ;) I’m caring, passionate, and a great cook. And, for the first time in 4 years, I feel REALLY ready.

That said, fairly often I read on here (or back in the old RPW sub) comments berating/deriding women in their 30s who have yet to marry. Comments are made regularly, both implicity and explicitly, about how it’s tragic to be unmarried at an age like mine, how it's likely “too late.” Sometimes things are said to the contrary, but it can be discouraging.

This is certainly not concern-trolling. Honestly, I just wanted to introduce myself, and maybe give a shout out to all the post-wall single RPW (WHAT UP LADIES! Or am I the only one?) And if you have any general advice for me, or those in my boat, feel free to send it this way. I’m happy to be here, and am very much looking forward to meeting my (new) captain, and, yes, even having babies. You may think it's too late for me. But I don't. I really don't.