And He said unto the hoes: "Thou shalt bow down and worship me, for I am your Lord thy Cock, and thou shalt have no friends before me, not even your fellow woman."

-Chads 23:20

​

Good old UncleEskel's been around the block, but fuck me with a chainsaw if the fickle nature of our fairer sex doesn't bring a tear to my eye now and again.

​

Women will go to surprising lengths to regain your attention with properly applied dread game.

​

I’m the type that always keeps a couple of FWB among the plates. I enjoy affection and some events, professional and otherwise, are just better with a hot date you get along with and knows your friends.

​

My two FWB at the moment are Amber and Emma: 22/23 year old gym rats who, despite both being 5’3”, 115lbs, and blonde, do not check my LTR boxes (yes, UncleEskel’s got a type). I’ve known them both for nearly a year and the “what are we?” conversations have gotten less deflectable, so the shelf lives on these are coming to an end.

​

I went out with some friends on a fine May evening, letting Emma tag along with my group. I was feeling lazy and Emma’s always a reliably fantastic lay and a good dancer. Standard night, things are good, and at 1:30, Amber and her posse of college friends walked in (probably on purpose, this isn’t a college bar and it’s known to be my favorite).

​

I use Snapchat and often share myself doing exciting things with pretty girls: it's a good shortcut to jealous plates, so in this case, Amber and Emma knew of each other but had never met. Furthermore, I’d been spending less and less time with each of them and had met a couple of new girls who I'd been going out with, to Amber and Emma’s ire.

​

Amber came over to us, said hi, and, both clearly knowing who the other is, they made their introductions and started talking like they’re besties. Can’t say I expected that, but pleasant surprise nonetheless.

​

2 o’clock rolled around quickly, and in the scramble for Ubers (I live two blocks away so i can just walk) it was clear that neither Emma nor Amber were taking one. Amber not so subtly kissed Emma, essentially inviting herself back to my place with her. I didn't argue, instead I took their waists and led them back to my building. Didn’t make it past the elevator before they started putting on a show. Neither of them like to lose, so old UncleEskel had a hell of a night.

​

The three of us went out together the next two Saturdays with the same result, but eventually, because it's inevitable, Amber had to be nexted; her jealous bullshit hit the point of disrespect and that’s not something I tolerate.

​

Moral of the story here: show a woman she’s losing your attention in favor of other women and the lengths she’ll go to regain it are surprising. These circumstances were organic and clearly some stars aligned; there are easier ways to deliberately create threesomes. This is simply an example of two women hanging on to attention by fucking both the man they’re after and their competition.