“You’ve got to know when to hold em’, Know when to fold em’, Know when to walk away, and know when to run.”

Those lyrics from the song “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers not only apply to a game of Poker, but also when it comes to the dating world. It is a lesson I wished I learned at a younger age, because you gain a lot more respect from people when you are not afraid to walk away from a situation, even if there might be consequences.

No matter how brutal a relationship or dynamic may be with someone, many people like to stay in those situations because of one reason: it is comfortable. Misery is comfortable. What is not comfortable is having to give up something you have been accustomed to and adventure into the unknown. When you can unabashedly cut ties and venture into the future without any worries or outcome dependence in given situations, it sets you apart from the pack.

The best way to illustrate this is through two stories with two different people, who we will call guy #1 and guy #2. Both possessed some beta traits, but one was more successful because of one reason: he knew when to walk away.

A little while ago, guy #1 was infatuated by a girl and developed a case of oneitis for her. All of the things RP teaches you not to do, he did: he shat where he ate, made a pact where if they ever stopped being coworkers he would ask her out on a date, overtly communicated how much he liked her, showered her with compliments, gifts, put her up on a huge pedestal and would get super jealous/possessive. However, despite all of this, they still slept together quite a few times. When she got a new job, she told him she wanted him to take her out on a date, to which he set up for a few days in advance.

On the day of, she bailed. She said that she “just wanted to be single” and was afraid that if they “kept going down this path it would end bad and they wouldn’t even be friends again”. All of this last second bailing according to her was “not because of a lack of feelings."

Her ACTION to bail on a date (actions over words) was a textbook sign of someone who had lost attraction to him. But instead of saying something basic like “ok” and moving on with his life, guy #1 called her and went full blown Disney beta cuck. He thought that if he just expressed his feelings and said all of those sweet things like one of those effeminate protagonists from a romantic comedy, she would “realize her true feelings” and “come to the light”.

SPOILER ALERT: She did not change her mind. Not then, and not ever.

The reality is that you cannot negotiate attraction or desire. If he had just said “ok” or held frame after she bailed, he at the very least would have kept his self-respect intact. The funniest part is that the night before the date, he had literally slept with another girl. Unlike some in the oneitis camp, he had options and the ability to lose outcome dependence, but he didn’t. He chose not to walk away, and she walked all over him because of it.

Now let’s contrast that with guy #2. He was able to attract this one girl because unlike every other guy who was drooling all over her, he was pretty indifferent to her. That was until she gave him a whiff of pussy. Then all of the sudden, it turned into him looking after her cat, bailing on weekend plans with the guys last minute to go to Chicago and drive her really effeminate car she told him to drive and spending a lot of time together. He was starting to get clingy, so one day, she told him that he “wasn’t interested enough in her hobbies (false)” and that she “just wanted to be friends” because her and him were “not looking for the same things.”

Obviously, guy #2 didn’t want to be “just friends” with this girl. But, he also knew he was a high value person who had plenty of friends and other plates he could hit up. So what did he do? Well, instead of trying to spill out his guts to her Disney style or play along with her nonsense in hopes of friending his way into sex down the road, he said to her “I am not interested in being friends. If you don’t want to date me, I will find someone else who will.”

She broke down and got upset, but he held his frame and she was very attracted to his stance. It made her rethink him entirely and turned around their dynamic.

Most importantly though, guy #2 showed that he was willing to walk away from her, something guy #1 was woefully incapable of doing with his oneitis.

Just like in Poker, there are times in real life when you need to hold em’, fold em’ or walk away. Knowing this can be the difference between you keeping and losing your self-respect.

Thank you Kenny Rogers for this life advice.