As i'm writing this. the beta divorced dad of my LTR is standing in front of me. We are in the house of her mother, he dropped by to drop off some of her stuff. Their previous house, where he kept living in, was sold after quite a while. His health is getting worse and he cannot maintain his former profession, quite frankly it seems he never got over the divorce.

As he nagotiates for affection and offers to pay my gf's travels this Sunday, instead of driving her himself, I get this deep feelings op pity. He's supplicating and looking for understanding and assurance, by compaining about his problems to my girl and her mom. The body language between them is something like an awkward dance, with too much space in between - one where the flattered party is not actually interested, but does seem to like the attention, and thus keeps the other party at arm's length.

From what I know he has been a good provider in the past, but never seemed to man up. Stories about his manipulative style and insulting negs against his wife and two daugthers portray a bitter man. Yet, they do also add up to the other side of the coin: his daugthers are somewhat spoined little pricesses that leech off their parents.

In some way I also do look up to him for taking responsability for his own mistakes. Living with 3 women is quite the challenge indeed. His lack of character just seems to have taken on other forms as time passed. In essence his energy became more female and the energies of the women he lived with, have gotten more masculine. A badboy has been tamed and what's left is just an empty shell, devoid of pride and selfrespect, always trying and chasing to reconnect what is broken already.

Why do I write this? To remind myself why it was a mistake to dislike my own father, just because he wasn't supportive after the divorce. My mom basically lied to him that I was going on vacation and took me to Holland 20 years ago. She needed a permission from him to take me to another country, we lived in Poland back then.

I idealized her into my teenage years as the parent with the healthier decisions. All the while she was still demonizing my dad and never gotten over him, even after his death. He was an alcoholic. She now herself has been struggling with drinking in recent years, never finding a replacement for him and not settling with submissive beta's either. The few times I saw him after we moved, he was always kind and made sure we had a good time.

Sure, he failed as a fathering figure by being proactive at it, but he was robbed of a decent chance since I was about 8 years old. Now I know how RP he actually was, and the knowledge here finally gives a way to see him in a healthier an more humane light. Men, more often these days, get pushed into a submissive role after the divorce. For boys such a rolemodel is a bad example, especially if it works in the favor of the views which mom projects onto them about what a decent man is.

A father that doesn't yield, is seen as bad just as easily. When my mother badmouthed my dad, as I grew older, I held my mother more responsible for the choice she made to be with my dad. She made my life easier in a lot of ways, some of these ways have actually backfired eventually. Overprotective fathers are far less damaging, especially if these fathers are red pill. Wish society some day will make the link that single moms get off the hook way too easily in divorce. A mother cannot become a surrogate father, even if she seems like the person that has taken the most care of the child. Really few good men can keep up a healthy fathering role without having to suffer themselves.

I wonder which situation is worse: not having a father or seeying him loose his dignity after the divorce?