I finally got around to finishing the rational male and the art of seduction.

I was mostly interested in these books to learn about manipulation. Along the way I've come to a disturbing conclusion.

I don't feel things. I try my best to push intimacy away but when it finds a way into my life i use and abuse as much as i can until that person has to leave to save their sanity or i dismiss then because in bored.

The art of seduction really confused me. I identified with none of the "shared experiences" that allegedly people flock to when giving up their agency to allow themselves to be wooed. However i really, and innately identified with all the manipulation which to my shock has always come very easy to me.

Im not trying to be an edge Lord, etc. I really don't feel the emotions that are so emphasized and enjoyed by others if you are too believe what's in the text of these books.

I've concluded that i really don't understand people and i don't care. I just want to use up women when they come into my life.

Does anyone else feel like this? I found it disturbing because it's a kind of realization about who i am. I've heard that I'm cold and distant but i dismissed it because who cares? Maybe all these women and people in my life where on to something.

Maybe i can't empathise. I'm left with a choice now. Embrace my indifference and get better at manipulation or learn how to be empathetic.

I'll be honest, i have no interest in learning how to empathise with others, but i think it would be good for me. It's hard to care though.

I'm 33, I've been into red pill/mgtow for about a decade now. I'm familiar with the terms and philosophy surrounding "game" i agree with it but i really don't want to try. I wait until she makes contact then totally take advantage.

This seems unique to this area is thought. I'm starting to think i could be cold and distant in a way that could be, i dunno, evil?

What do you think about this? It's confusing me. Is it red pill? Nihilism? Could i be emotionally deficit? There is a lot to consider.

Thanks