There is an idea that was introduced to me in a psych101 class that I sat in with a friend that introduced the idea of The 2 Yous.
The basic premise is that if someone asked you "would you like my fair yet critical opinion of you ?", one side of our subconscious would say "Yes, that would aid me in assessing myself and improving" and another side would say "Fuck you, you don't even know me".
The first side is the logical part of ourself and the other is our emotional side. And the lecturer advised that both these sides in us are in constant conflict at all times, at least the times of minor and major decision making. At the time I didn't think much of it, I kind of processed it as obvious information.
But yesterday two incidents happened which really put this in perspective. Our lockdown was recently lifted, which meant I went out to get a fresh haircut and shopping. While I was on my way out from getting my new pair of jeans, the lady (in her 40s) at the counter told me "Oh by the way you look really good, you have killer style. You carry yourself very well". Now obviously this gave me a huge ego boost as this was the first time a complete stranger gave me a compliment out of thin air. The rest of the day I noticed other women checking me out and giving me IOIs. I felt amazing. I was smiling at everyone, I felt like I could do anything. Her comment stayed with me the whole day.
After that, I went to work. I work in a retail store and I had an unhappy customer. To summarize, I had told him a discount didn't apply and it turned out that wasn't the case. He said, in an aggressive way, "The humble thing would have been to say sorry I don't know about this particular discount instead of acting so arrogant". I got very angry. I thought "What the fuck does he know about me, let him talk to me like that out of the constraints of customer service, I'll knock his teeth in, the little bitch". His hostility had made me not explain the miscommunication that had happened on my side. His comment stayed with me the whole day.
But today, I woke up and the emotional side of me had rested. I reflected on both those incidents and the logical part of me started analysing things. I realised both the comments are in facts the same, just contrasting in nature. One lady had fueled my ego and made me feel big. One man had crashed my ego and made me feel small. But in an objective perspective, they both gave me their fair assessments of who they thought I was. The hazardous part of that is I let an external opinion take the judgement of my own value.
Through both the very minor incidents I now believe the best tool to use in self-improvement is honesty. Honesty bridges the gap between the 2 Yous. Everyday people communicate, verbal or otherwise, their opinions of you. The most effective way to progress is to take this information and reflect with true honesty. It is easy to get a compliment and self-masturbate. It is easy to receive criticism and get upset. But the healthy, and more importantly, the more effective way to be an optimal man is to assess information about you is to use honesty.
I have only used this theory in practice this past week, but I can see myself improving dramatically. I have a more clear thought process on things and I am able to focus on my goals with greater vision. I can feel myself losing the ability to lie to myself about myself and thus being able to be much more comfortable in my skin. I guess this could also translate into having a rock-solid frame. A strong frame doesn't mean to are cutting yourself off from what the world throws at you, but being composed in the face of it. Tacking them with thought and action.
And in light of that, I would like to hear your opinion on this perspective.
