Hi everyone,

Some of you may remember my last two posts about struggling to vet men for alcohol dependency.

I wanted to share ONE more cautionary tale and some final thoughts.

A couple of months ago, I was about to delete my dating apps when I got a message from someone who looked good (on paper). Lots of active, outdoorsy pictures with family and friends. Heartfelt prompts about about his mom, his dogs, his job. Looked like a decent guy.

We messaged for a while and ended up going on a few outdoor dates. He was nice and attentive, but there was one thing that seemed a little… off:

His blinks were veerrrryyyyy slow. It almost looked like he was about to fall asleep??

I told my friends about it and we all kind of laughed it off. We agreed that I was being a little too hyper vigilant and that he was probably just sleepy or that maybe he was on medication that made him tired.

On our last date, I noticed the slow blinking again and had a ptsd flashback of the way my ex acted when he was secretly drunk. I took the advice of fds specialist u/shellofthemsellf and asked him for his craziest drinking story. His eyes lit up and he started telling me story after story.

When we hugged at the end of the date, I took in a big whiff of his scent (pretending to smell his cologne lol) and I noticed the faint smell of alcohol.

My stomach sank. He had been driving us around all day. Had he really put his life and my life in danger like that?

I got home and started panicking and crying. I kept trying to convince myself I made it up. Maybe it was his cologne. Maybe it was someone else standing near us. Maybe someone had spilled a drink somewhere.

The old me would have talked myself down but thanks to fds, I’m not my old self anymore.

I texted him and asked if he had been drinking before our date. He admitted that he had severe dating anxiety and that he had “one beer” to calm his nerves before our date. I’m a small person and I hardly feel anything after one beer so I knew he was watering down the truth.

I blocked him, deleted my apps, and I haven’t thought about dating since. I’m finally happy with the thought of being single for the rest of my life. It took dating a covert alcoholic and a couple dozens of dates with covert alcoholics to get here, but I’m finally here and feeling unstoppable. I listened to my gut and acted on my intuition. I am so powerful! And I am never endangering my life for another man ever again.

Lessons Learned:

  • Don’t trust any man you’ve known for less than 5 years. (I dated a covert alcoholic for 4 years without knowing it.)
  • Always listen to your gut.
  • No red flag is too big or too small. A red flag is a red flag.
  • Run away from men with crazy drinking stories.
  • Even if they don’t talk about drinking on any of your dates, ask for their craziest drinking stories anyway.

Thank you to everyone who helped me get here. I love you all so much and I hope these stories can help those of you who are experiencing similar dating patterns/struggling with codependency.