Are disorders excuses for poor social skills in people?

For example, many autistic men that I've known are technically book smart, but they're aggravating to socialize with. In my experience, most are rigid, controlling, moody, have childish temper tantrums when they don't get their way, take everything literally so you can't joke around with them or use slang, are contrarians about everything so you can't even do small talk with them, etc.

Some of them use their disorder as an excuse for this behavior. Can you blame their disorder for their extremely poor and aggravating social skills, or is it on them to try to improve themselves despite having a disorder so they can actually function in social settings around other people?