I’ve finally hit rock bottom. I thought I was rp’ed but I was lying to myself. I’ve racked up a fuck ton of debt, gotten myself hooked on drugs and I hate my fucking job.

I do need my job for a paycheck. I’m in the process of looking for a new job. I’m stressed the fuck out bc my current job seems to be slowing down and I’m worried they might lay me off.

I’ve gone on two interviews. I’ve felt like I’ve killed both interviews. The feedback from the first interview was that “I’m more of a number cruncher and they want a people person.” I can be a people person. Easily. I’ve worked in customer service for 12 years although I’m in construction now. I have excellent communication skills.

Second feedback was that “I just didn’t have enough experience.” This may have been true but the interviewer reviewed my resume prior to the interview. Like I said I felt, and still do, that I fucking killed both interviews. Why the fuck are they not making an offer?

Secondly I’ve finally come to the decision that I need to quit drugs. I’ve understood that it is the only way I can be successful. I understand that this is all my fault and I am the only one to blame.

I’ve decided to get on a suboxone maintanence problem as an outpatient treatment. After much consideration, this is the best option for the time being.

I’ve always lifted, even through my peak drug use. My body is in good condition but there is always room for improvement.

My stress levels are so high that it is difficult to think. I’ve pawned all of my valuable possessions (on loan) and I’ve taken out several loans. I know this was a stupid decision but I cannot change the past, only the future.

I’m 27 years old and I do feel like I really fucked my life up. This really makes me want to give up. But I won’t. I will continue pushing. Again, I understand I’ve done all this to myself and is no ones fault but my own. Life just seems so dark and hopeless right now. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don’t understand how anyone, much less 2 back to back companies, could reject me like that. Well I should say WOULD reject me like that.

I’ll take any advice anyone can offer. I also expect harsh critisim from this so give me your worst.