I've had a time frame until not long ago when I truly didn't give a rat's ass about anything, especially about girls. Good times. I managed to change my old job for a better one, main lifts increasing, busy with stuff all the time, and plan to ditch commuting and move to the city I currently work in, very soon. I even approached girls during this time, even though the responses were mostly negative, I was still alright.

Now I'm feeling somewhat depressed again. It's because of a mix of doubts about myself, and never being good with women. As in never had a relationship, only flings, not many. This makes me think that there is something terribly wrong with me, that I am not yet aware of. I'm no virgin but I have yet to have a girlfriend.

While most of my ex high school mates are in LTRs or married (some have kids). I don't want to get married and for fuck's sake, I don't want children. But while they might be doing something more ''serious'', couple life, so to speak, I'm still doing what I've always enjoyed. One of the activities is mountain biking, as I love nature. I just like going in the woods, find a trail, go downhill, climb a steep slope, etc. I'm going alone, because none of my friends are into this stuff. Another one is riding the motorcycle. Although, no girl ever sat on the backseat. I'd like to share something I love so much. It's not that a girl would say no to a bike ride, it's the rider who they said no to. I did ask a couple of times some years ago, then I stopped asking completely. Let them come if they really want.

I play guitar in a metal band. Always loved music.

I sort of feel like a manchild, a big kid. Nearing 30. Still single, still liking my own stuff that others find lame or too childish for my age.

I've no idea what's happening to me. Something like my mental frame is thinning. I had no problems so far. Now pretty much everything is, so to speak, bothering me. Used to remain neutral before, nothing astonished me.

​

The only real time when i feel alright is after a session of heavy compound lifting, which usually lasts only until before sleep or the next day at most.