I still struggle. I still seek validation from other people, most of them female. And anytime a person leaves my life it fucks me up.

My mother decided to leave our family after her depression - it still fucks me up mentally.

I still feel the need to watch the instagram stories from my ex LTRs and ex plates. - I can't even explain why. I do not even want them back to be honest.

I still post stuff on social media in hope of getting attention / female attention.

It still bothers me when a girl is less invested in me.

Guess I am still in the angry phase - It keeps bothering me how fcked up this world seems to be. I accept it - but I still struggle with it. I know I need to be able to live on my own, without validation from others - but I still struggle with it.

But here is the thing - I do not understand why. This shit clouds my thoughts, I want to stop this. How do I stop caring about other people? There are more than enough reasons to do so, still my brain does not act accordingly.

And yes, I have multiple plates / woman. Yes, I even have girls chasing me because I have no interest in them. And there is no problem in getting new ones. But it just feels meaningless to just have sex.

Yes, I am reading stoic books. Yes, I Meditate. Yes, I lift. Yes, I am busy ( running my own business ). Still I invest to much mental energy in people and their actions.

It is hard to explain. Maybe you can help anyways or tell me what is going wrong